Staying True To Ourselves In Time Of Crisis

It is hard to stay centered and cognizant when we are travelling through chaos.  It is easy to get affected by other people’s emotional and psychological behaviors.  We get observed and judged.  And if we lose our center we become part of the chaos.

My father is sick in the hospital.  He’s 86 years old, so it is hard to tell how this is going to turn out.  Emotions are running high for everyone involved including me. So to support others and myself, I have to fight to take care of my well-being and stay grounded.  I have to be able to access and rely on my truth in every decision I take.

In the past I have acted impulsively, emotional and without setting limits to what was asked of me but others and myself included.

As I have gone through quite a few crises in my life, I’ve developed a short list of things to keep in mind not to drown when intense emotions are flying about.  They are:

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Transcending Pain For A Passion

We can always find a way when we have passion. Allowing ourselves to dream and to embrace the things that truly matters to us without fear.

Turning Loss Into Depth And Wisdom

A couple of days ago, I had lunch with a woman who had been my late husband’s friend.  I had seen her once before since his passing two and a half years ago.

The friend wanted to check in with me and again offer her support.  We talked for a while and then the conversation shifted to her brother.  She said we both had a lot in common; he’s a Buddhist – she said. Even though I don’t know her brother, I intuitively knew what she was trying to say.  She was referring to the quality of acceptance.

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Scars Tell Where We Have Been, But Not Where We Are Going

I watched Rabbit Hole a couple of nights ago.  The film tells the story of a couple (Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart) who lose their 4 year-old son when he runs after his dog and onto the street.  The movie starts eight months into the parent’s recovery process.

There was a line in the film spoken by Nicole Kidman that hit me in the stomach.  She said something like: After someone dies the pain from the loss becomes what we have of them.

It is now 2 years and 4 months since my husband passed away.  I’ve done much and have met many people during this time.  I have also gone through many changes as a person.  But the sadness of Chris’ loss is a constant companion. That is not to say, I don’t laugh or love – I promise you I do and quite often – but I’m always aware of the hurt within.

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First Steps Towards Finding Contentment

I can’t tell you how to live your life.  Actually nobody can.  I also can’t tell you how to find contentment.  Again nobody can.  But I can share with you, life tools I have had to learn to live and thrive.   As I share, take what makes sense to you and leave on the computer screen what doesn’t.

Accepting ourselves and our lives as they are today is the first step towards appreciating life.

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Why Is Introspection Important?

Without it we would keep reading the same scripts we have created for ourselves and have no possibility of a different life.  We would always play the same role to the same results.

Introspection means observing and processing our own behavior.  Introspection gives us the chance to catch ourselves repeating patterns that causes us pain and change. It becomes second nature to anyone who is invested in living a more peaceful and content life.

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Life = Love

I am on my way to Miami, Florida to work on a film.  I brought with me for the four and a half hours of flying, a memoir a woman who reads my posts sent me.  I’ve had the manuscript for a few weeks but knowing it was a story of loss, I was giving myself time to prepare to make the descent back into my own history which undoubtedly her account would take me to.

The woman’s husband was diagnosed with brain cancer after months of irrational behavior which had everyone thinking he was either on drugs, having an affair or a nervous breakdown.   As I read her painful and touching words, my hands slide down the ropes of my past.  I’m going down.

I put the pages on the empty seat next to me and think; all of us go through life loosing pieces of ourselves. It is as if we are all born with leprosy. Each new loss another part of us is left behind.

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How To Conquer Pain

As in any match you look at your opponent square in the face.  You want to measure up its strength while letting it know you are not afraid.

When the bell goes off, you approach it with determination.  You find your way in, you put your arms around it and you hold it tight.  You smell its sweat and you dance around with it until you are able to take it down to the mat.  You hold it there and you pay your respects.  You let it know of its worthiness and that you will always be mindful of it.

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Despair

Just the sound of the word sends chills down my spine.  Despair is when you look around and there seems to be no way out.  Despair is when pain has taken a hold of us and wont’ let go.  I have been there and I know its shape, weight, and smell.  I know it well.

I do Yoga.  Sometimes we get into positions where supposedly a small number of muscles are asked to support our entire body weight for a few minutes and it feels like an eternity.  Our first reaction is to tense up.  Somehow the body thinks that if it tenses up it will make the task easier but instead the tension makes it almost impossible to hold the position.  It is then I tell my body to let go.  To release into the position.  It is then I take deep breaths and engage my entire body in supporting the position.

And so it is with despair.  When pain grabs hold of us we have to release into it.  There is no point in fighting it.  It hurts, so we breathe deeply and release into it.  We acknowledge its existence – trying to run away will only add to its power – and we remind ourselves that we are only in this position for awhile.  Soon life, just like the Yoga teacher, will move us to another position.

Embracing Pain

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.  ~Kenji Miyazawa

We have all been hurt or will be hurt.  Pain is part of living.  But with every scar comes an opportunity to stop and reflect on who we are and how we want our lives to continue.

Not embracing pain is pushing aside the opportunity to come face to face with ourselves.

Not embracing pain is missing the opportunity to be profoundly human.

But once the pain becomes ours it turns into love because pain humbles and shows us we are part of a huge community of people who want the same; love and compassion.

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.  ~Eric Fromm

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