Expectation; Often A Tough Pill To Swallow

March 22, 2011 by  
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Expectations.  Even the word has too many letters.

We wish for “things”, and in the time between dreaming about them and having them happen, we let our emotions make those “things” become the answer to all our ailments.  So unfortunately when those “things” finally happen – or some form of it– our expectations are too out of touch with reality. Let me give you an example:  A woman wishes for a relationship.  While she waits for a man to come into her life she day-dreams about how this man will sweep her off her feet and she will live happily ever after.  The woman meets a man.  Now she has dreamed all kinds of scenarios with her man, and when the reality doesn’t follow along with her dreamed up situations; she feels let down.  Another example would be a man dreaming all the things he will do and all the things he will feel when he gets his dream job.  But, when he finally gets the job he had been pining away, he feels let down.  The reality does not correspond to his expectations.

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Midlife Crisis Or An Opportunity For Change

March 18, 2011 by  
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At the end of a meeting yesterday, I stayed behind to talk to a dear friend who is in his 60s.  He wanted to tell me he was investigating new paths for his life.  He has been a successful producer, husband, and father, and was now feeling the need for a change.  He has built a life that affords him the time and finances to ponder what’s next.

As we talked, I understood he was concerned his move was to be an actual next phase and not a crisis or an end.

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How To Stop Labeling Ourselves And Others

August 11, 2010 by  
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I am a widow.

I tell myself to not share with people I meet, at least right away, this fact about my life.  But time and time again within the first half hour of a conversation I blurt out: “You know I am a widow.”

Being a widow has become my new identity.  It is as if I’m saying to the world “I know pain, and so I understand.”

I tell myself being a widow should not be my identity.   Why not pick loved with all my heart and been loved with everything?  More attractive and reflective of my history.

For some reason for most of us, loss and negativity have more intensity than love and happiness.  How many times a smile on our faces has gone unnoticed?  But what about a tear?  We can always see those.

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There Is No Universe Without The Self

May 2, 2010 by  
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“No phenomenon is a real phenomenon until it is an observed phenomenon.” – Nobel Prize winner physicist John Wheeler

Robert Lanza, M. D., considered one of the leading scientists in the world, currently Chief Scientific Officer at Advanced Cell Technology, Adjunct Professor at Wake Forest University School of Medicine with hundreds of publications and inventions, and over two dozen scientific books is the creator and thinker of a new theory, Biocentrism.

A more accurate understanding of the world requires that we consider it biologically centered. It’s a simple but amazing concept that Biocentrism attempts to clarify: Life creates the universe, instead of the other way around.

That is a completely different way of seeing and thinking about the universe. It means that what we perceive as reality is directly connected to our existence and observation of life.  It means our reality exists based on how we see it and our inter-connectedness.

Below are the seven principles of Biocentrism:

1). What we perceive as reality is a process that involves our consciousness. An “external” reality, if it existed, would by definition have to exist in space. But this is meaningless, because space and time are not absolute realities but rather tools of the human and animal mind.

2). Our external and internal perceptions are inextricably intertwined. They are different sides of the same coin and cannot be divorced from one another.

3). The behavior of subatomic particles, indeed all particles and objects, is inextricably linked to the presence of an observer. Without the presence of a conscious observer, they at best exist in an undetermined state of probability waves.

4). Without consciousness, “matter” dwells in an undetermined state of probability. Any universe that could have preceded consciousness only existed in a probability state.

5). The structure of the universe is explainable only through biocentrism. The universe is fine-tuned for life, which makes perfect sense as life creates the universe, not the other way around. The “universe” is simply the complete spatio-temporal logic of the self.

6). Time does not have a real existence outside of animal-sense perception. It is the process by which we perceive changes in the universe.

7). Space, like time, is not an object or a thing. Space is another form of our animal understanding and does not have an independent reality. We carry space and time around with us like turtles with shells. Thus, there is no absolute self-existing matrix in which physical events occurs independent of life.

We are at the very start of interpreting life in a different way, but one thing is for sure the way we see it/live it has a lot to do with who we are.

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A Dog Without An Owner

May 1, 2010 by  
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I am in Brazil visiting my family and have just got off the phone with a childhood friend.  The call was mostly about making plans for tomorrow but before we hung up she said: Debinha (that’s how my friends in Brazil call me) please say something.  I said “what do you mean?” and she responded “I’m feeling like a dog without an owner.”

What she meant was she didn’t feel like she belonged anywhere.  She’s a woman in her forties, who’s not in a relationship, and who lives alone.  I told her we are all dogs without owners.  What I meant to say was feeling lonely came from within not from being or not in a relationship.

When we are feeling well, we entertain and keep ourselves company.  We listen to what we want to do and we follow up on our desires the best way we can.  We feel whole and because we are okay with our own selves, we are also okay with others and the world. Being with others is in addition to the way we are already feeling.

When we are not well, we feel lonely and abandoned.  So feeling like a dog without an owner in reality has little to do with being with others or not.  It really is about ourselves.  Just ask how many times have you felt alone in the middle of a large group of people?

I told my childhood friend to stop thinking and get out of the house.  “Keep yourself in motion.  The more you think how things are not the way you want them to be, the more pity sets in” I said.  I know from experience this type of thinking is unhealthy.  It is the type where we are the masters of the universe and everything that we consider to be wrong is our fault.  It is the thinking that points to our incapacity to find happiness simply because we are no good.

Each one of us has specific reasons why we feel lonely or why we beat ourselves over the head when we are already down on the ground.  But one universal solution to this phenomenon is to not indulge in it.  “Distract yourself when you start thinking about all the wrong things in your life.  Watch TV, go for a walk, call a friend to talk about the funnies but don’t indulge in your pity for yourself” were my parting words to my childhood friend.

Being our own best friend requires a willingness to peel the layers of the onion and look within.  It takes a willingness to give ourselves a hand when we need it instead of running out and looking for someone else to do so.  It takes realizing only ourselves are a constant companion in our lives.  But if we can do that we’ll never feel like a dog without an owner as we are both the dog and the owner.

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