Sometimes Letting Go Is Best

August 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

Sometimes no matter what we do, a relationship doesn’t work out.  It is terribly painful when after trying all different ways of being and relating we come to the understanding a particular dynamic will never be satisfying or even civilized.  Once we get to that point the next hardest thing happens; we need to let go.  This scenario happens in friendships, in family and romantic relationships.

Yesterday, talking to a friend she shared she had come to the end of trying to have a minimally positive relationship with her husband of fifteen years.  In her case, her husband went from being a recovering alcoholic to being an alcoholic.  And no matter what she says or tries he continues on his path of self-destruction.  She has decided to ask him to leave; a very painful decision as they also have kids.  But she has come to the point where she understands there can’t be a relationship between them beyond her being his caretaker.

I understand her decision.   I too recently have come to the same point with a family member.  It is not easy, but when you realize there will never be a good outcome, the only thing you can do is remove yourself from the equation.  Now I didn’t come to this point easily.  We are talking of an entire life time of trying different approaches and a lot of pain as a result.  But sometimes we have to be humble and recognize it really isn’t up to us.

Ending or withdrawing from a relationship is not a perfect solution, especially if it involves a family member.  In these situations one must understand there is no satisfying outcome.  There is only the healthier path. It doesn’t mean you have stopped loving them.  It just means you realize a relationship is not possible.

Letting go of people is never easy, but sometimes having them in our lives causes us more pain than good.  And that goes for the other person as well.  In those instances center yourself, take a deep breath, wish them well, and let them go without anger or recrimination.

Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go. — Sylvia Robinson

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Recovering Alcoholic…

May 28, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

I have become an honorary recovering alcoholic. I follow their prayer; grant me the strength to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I can’t and the wisdom to know the difference, to the letter.

In the last 9 months of my life I have lost my husband, my savings (I was one of the people that thought I had invested with a member of my husband’s family but was actually investing with Madoff), and my father had a heart attack.

I have no way of fighting life’s current as things just keep coming at me. So all I can do is  stay afloat and concentrate in what I need to do a moment at a time.

Although I have endured much there is something liberating about knowing that I don’t know or have any control in what is coming ahead.  That opens up life to all kinds of possibilities; good and bad. 

It is not that I don’t hold any responsibility in what happens but it truly shows that I should deal with the future when it becomes the present.  So in essence I have an easier time living in the moment.

So many things I never expected have happened to me.  I grew up in Brazil and never imagined living in NY or LA and here I am.  Never imagined working in the film industry or being a widow but that is life.

Of course the best thing about realizing that nobody knows anything is that I no longer spend any money in psychics or tarot readers.

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