Learning To Leave Our Egos Aside For The Benefit Of Our Relationships

The post below includes some practical ideas on how to avoid unnecessary confrontations with our partners.  I’d say the same goes to friends and family.

We all see the world and process information in different ways.  And although there is no right and wrong way, most of us believe we are right.  That feeling of being right comes from not seeing how anyone else could interpret ideas and occurrences in different ways than us. That’s ego speak.  Because if you stop for a moment you will know that each individual with their own set of experiences and qualities will experience life in a different way.

So what do we do to deal with these differences?

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Using Desire As Fuel To Life

Read the below post by Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche on the Huffington Post today and wanted to share.

Although having a name that is difficult for most of us civilians to pronounce, the wisdom of his words are nothing but fully inclusive.

In his post Dzogchen discusses the nature of desire; the fuel for every human action.  We desire a good meal, relationship, comfort, pleasure, and all is good.  The difficulties only arise when those desires turn from fuel to obsession.  Wanting to have a better job to feel more engaged is one type of desire.  Wanting a better job just because we want to show how smart, how superior we are, is empty.

Dzogchen writes: “Our desire may be to help others, to create something of transcendent beauty, or to realize union with God. It may simply be to find a perfect love in our life.

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Time To Accept We Can’t Change Others

Here is a hard one to learn; we can’t change others but we can change ourselves.  Why do I say it is hard?  Because we are so attached to proving our truth, intent and fairness are right that we keep coming up with new ways to express them.  And every attempt only brings us frustration and disappointments.

There is nothing wrong with trying to communicate our thoughts and feelings but what becomes a waste is when it is obvious that the recipient is not ready or doesn’t want to see things in a different way.  No matter how many alternatives you present for a different type of interpretation or relationship, you are not heard.  The other is stuck in their position and methodology and is not going to change no matter what we do.

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Can’t Find Love? Here’s Why

Just found the below post on Huffington Post.  I like its direct approach as to why most of us don’t seem to be lucky in love. Marnie, the writer, points the finger back at us.  She poses the question; how can we find fulfilling love if we start of from a place of fantasy and personal confusion?  And I couldn’t agree more.

How can we have a satisfying relationship if we pick partners that will only reenact time and again our own neurosis?  That is not to say that we have to be “perfect” to find a partner and share a healthy and fulfilling relationship.  But there are a few musts:

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What It Takes To Love

Just found the below article on Oprah.com and wanted to share it with you.

The post “What It Takes To Love Well And Wisely” discusses the transformative power of romantic love. That is because  in intimate relationships we get to show ourselves in ways we don’t  in other relationships.  We also get to know parts of us which are called upon in romantic relationships.

I believe for a romantic relationship to be “successful” we must first be a complete person; love ourselves, and have our own interests.  It is then we can be vulnerable without the feeling that we are losing ourselves.  It is then we can truly share without feeling we are giving up on our own lives.

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The Transformative Power Of Love

Below is a beautifully written and touching post by Dan Gottlieb on the Huffington Post.  Dan discusses how when we open ourselves up to the love that already exists within us, life changes.  When we finally realize that loving someone is not about changing them into the people we would like them to be, we are ready to embrace the love that lives within us. We often spend so much of our time and energy trying to prove who we are to others and ourselves that we end up running over what would actually make our lives in what we keep searching for; a more profound and transformative experience.

His observations come as a result of the loss of his mother and of a friend’s loss of his son.  Unfortunately sometimes it takes a tragedy for life to come into focus again.

Don’t wait to experience a great loss in your life to peel away the layers of anger and discontent to find what already lives within you.  In love there is compassion and warmth. Love yourself and others today.

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By Dan Gottlieb

As much as I hate to say it, the Beatles were wrong when they said, “Love is all you need.” It’s just not that simple.

Love nurtures life, but we need much more. I think Andrew Lloyd Webber got it right when he wrote the lyric, “Love changes everything,” for the musical “Aspects of Love.” Love changes our lives, whether it’s the openhearted, head-over-heels kind of love that makes us obsessed with our lover, or the kind of love we feel for a child. But love also changes our lives when it slowly begins to die in a marriage, or when it’s betrayed by broken promises.

And the nature of love is forever altered when death visits the relationship…Continued

4 Relationships Myths That Almost Everyone Perpetuates

Before my husband got sick and passed away, we had a very fun and fulfilling relationship.  Many of my friends, both men and women, would ask what our secret was.  The truth is; there were no secrets.  There was only a great dose of reality.  Neither Chris nor I expected the other to fulfill every desire we had in life.

We were aware we were not perfect people.  And so when we were faced with each other’s “imperfections” we weren’t disappointed.

We were aware our internal struggles belonged separately to each one of us.  We knew we could count on support as we struggled, but we were responsible for our own life decisions.

We spent a lot of time together, but also had the freedom to have a “girl’s night out” or a “boy’s night out.”

We had similar values and most importantly; we loved each other’s company.  We also respected each other’s opinion and looked forward to sharing our thoughts and experiences.

A foundation of love and respect carried us through five years of fun, difficulties, struggle, love and contentment.  Having realistic expectations of what a partner means in your life is key. Knowing our issues will still be our issues when we come together will save a lot of headaches later.  Remember, no one can make anyone else’s life perfect.  What we do for one another is love, support and share.

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By Dr. Terri Orbuch

Last week I was invited to a wedding shower where the guests were asked to bring a note card with one piece of advice for the new couple.

Most of the cards had typical comments like “Always compromise,” “Be honest and truthful,” or “Never go to bed mad.” As a relationship expert, I knew that the majority of the advice was not supported by scientific findings. So I began to wonder: how much of what people know about relationships is repeated as fact but is more like fiction? …Continued

Learning To Be In Relationship With Ourselves

I do understand the longing of being in a relationship or being part of a family.  I have lived away from home since I’m eighteen years old and am now a widow.

I do know we no longer need each other to fight dinosaurs or keep guard at the entrance of a cavern, but we do need each other for companionship and to love and be loved.

I also know the most intimate of all relationships is the one we have with ourselves.

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The Right Ingredients For A Balanced Relationship

Saturday night I had wine and cheese with two girlfriends at my house.  After a couple of glasses, one of them declared she was finally feeling like she didn’t need to fix everyone that came into her life.

I thought it was an amazing statement because this girlfriend is very kind and it is easy for her to go above board in reaching out.  That might seem like a contradiction when I’m often talking about community and compassion but it really isn’t.  In intimate relationships if we behave like the ultimate caretakers those will be the people we will tend to attract; people in need of ultimate caring.  These relationships are difficult to sustain as they become very one-sided.  One person does the caring the other receives.

If we want to be in healthy relationships, we need to accept people as they are and welcome them to be our partners in the journey of life without needing them to actually do the travel.

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Learning to Live Life Now

My life is about projects.  I’m a producer and I am a writer.  I either get hired to produce other people’s projects – like now I’m working on a special effects film for someone else – or I originate my own projects.  At any time, I’m personally working on at least 4 different projects.  Because film, TV, books, webisodes, take a long time to come to fruition (sometimes 10 years) I have had to learn to enjoy the process.

The 10 years that take for a feature film to come together is marred by disappointments, frustrations and setbacks.  As a producer if I don’t find a way to get something out of the process, I will never make it to the end.  The same as in life.

We all have goals we want to achieve so we work towards them.  Sometimes these goals take a long time to happen and in the process of getting there, life continues to unfold.

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