Before Throwing In The Towel, Make Sure That’s What You Want

July 1, 2012 by  
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A friend of mine, I’m going to call her Annie, lived with her boyfriend for four years before they decided to get married.  They had a fabulous fun wedding and four months later she caught her new husband cheating on her.  She was so hurt, humiliated and angry that all she could think was of was to ask for a divorce.  They sold their house and went their separate ways.

I saw Annie recently, three years after her divorce, and we talked about her ex-husband.  She said she regretted not having given their relationship a chance.  She thought she should have talked to him and tried to figure out why after just a few months he needed to give his attention to someone else.  Was the commitment to much of a weight?  Was he/she feeling insecure about still being a desirable man/woman?

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Drop The “Should” List

May 2, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

Photo By Angie Rubin

I am thinking about how much stress and turmoil is actually self-created.  I’m specifically thinking about the terrain between that which we want and that which we think we SHOULD have.

As we go through life we start to adopt/take on a list of things that society has created as the bible to live by.  But, are these rules/concepts agreeable to all of us all the time?  No. And so conflicts are born between what we do and what we think we should do.

I have found the first line of defense in these situations is to ask ourselves what we really want out of an experience.   I ask myself again and again until I can give an honest response.  Once I know what I really want then I concentrate on that and try not to worry about the “should” yelling in my head.

I’m not saying it is easy to rise above the intense psychological conflict that ensues, but not taking it on means missing out on many opportunities that could provide us with experience and contentment.

Let me give you an example:  Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that don’t necessarily fall within the long lasting, 100% fulfilling – or close to – realm but fall within “what we need for right now”.  So, the relationship is satisfying now.  But, if we hang on to thoughts of “I shouldn’t be enjoying this because I need to be in the “right” relationship, we will miss out on satisfying needs of now.

We never know what doors we open every time we go through an experience.  Not, living them because they are not perfectly right in our own minds, keep us away from opportunities and wisdom. And lastly, who knows what the future may or may not bring.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do – Mark Twain.

 

 

 

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Don’t Let Your Ego Create A Battlefield Of Bruised Relationships

October 17, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

So often we get wrap up in our righteousness that our own true feelings are obscure to us.  Thoughts of a bruised pride get intensified.   We judge others while imbuing our ego with energy.  In the end such feelings and attitudes lead to misunderstandings and battered relationships.

But what if rather than jumping on our high horse we gave ourselves time to look past what seems to be obvious to us to actually see the truth?  What if we didn’t pay attention to the histrionics and actually looked with our hearts at the pain in others?  Maybe we would be able not to be sidetracked by attitudes that don’t really matter and would instead connect in a loving way.

As each one of us move forward on our own journey of self-discovery and wisdom, connecting with others in a real way becomes more important.  Our ego learns to step aside to let us try to go to the essence of another and when we fail to do that, we hurt.

It doesn’t matter what our pride says.  The truth is for us to live in harmony we must live in consciousness.

The below posted article poses an interesting exercise; how would you relate to others if it was the last time you were seeing them?

I bet most if not all troubles and animosity would fall off because in the end what matters is our humanity and the love we have for one another.  If we agree that is the truth then we must practice it.

Read on.

Lessons in Humanity From My Barista

By Roger Housden

The first person I normally greet in the morning is Diego. Today, I look at him with eyes whose vision has been altered by reading the opening lines of a poem by Ellen Bass called “If You Knew”:

What if you knew you’d be the last to touch someone?… Continued

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Practice Commitment To Your Own Truth

April 27, 2011 by  
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I have recently received some really good work related news.  I worked really hard to turn a project into a reality and it seems that will be the case.  I shared the news with just a few very close people – I’m waiting for the absolute 100% sureness before sharing with everyone.  The point is while a couple of people were really happy for me a few were also jealous and manipulative.  I’m thinking about someone in particular who is truly close who came up with ways to hurt me.  Now why am I sharing this?  Because I think we often deal with “peculiar” reactions from others but are not prepared and fall pray.

I don’t believe these “peculiar” reactions came from people that wish me badly.  That would be an easy one to deal with; they don’t like and therefore they are not happy for me – they shouldn’t be in my life.  The “peculiar” reactions come from people that actually deeply love me, but they are unwell with themselves.  And that is the key piece of information when dealing with others.  People bring to relationships their own un-wellness.

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5 Ideas For A More Satisfying Life

March 7, 2011 by  
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I don’t usually go for things like: ten ways to be happy now, or, do these three things and you’ll get everything you have always wanted out of life.  The reason being is I think humans are complex and finding and pursuing a state of well-being is a life-long commitment without easy answers.  But there are general concepts that I believe every person working towards a better life should consider adopting.

1                     – A Sense Of Purpose

We all need that “thing” which gets us up in the morning and keeps our hearts and brains going even when the going gets tough.   We all have desires with meaning which is the gas that keeps our engines going.  The problem is sometimes we get so lost between what society, parents and friends think and expect of us that we lose touch with our purpose.  Finding, reconnecting and embracing our purpose translates into huge steps towards a more fulfilling life.

2                     – Living in the Present

Anyone who thinks “I’m going to be happy when…” I get the job, the money, the relationship I deserve, is in for a big surprise.  Life seldom works as planned.  Something always comes out of left field and postponing being satisfied today for a planned future that may or may not happen seem like a waste of life.

Remember the millions of people that lost their retirement funds years back.  Or couples who plan enjoying life when they retired only never to make to retirement age.

Let’s live in the present and enjoy the relationships, job and money we have today.

3                     - Make Sure There Are Things In Your Life Every Day That Bring You Wellness

That’s so simple to do.  We all have some easy, inexpensive, simple things we can do that can bring us a smile.  Is that sitting in the park for ten minutes?  Calling a loved one and really being present in the conversation instead of going through a to-do list?  A warm bath?  A candle lit dinner?  Even pizza with candles can be a great experience.  A romp with a dog? A romp? Whatever that “thing” is for each one of us, sprinkling these activities a couple of times or even once during the course of our day will affect our mood and ultimately our well-being.

4                     – Relationships

Relationships are like flowers (sorry for being corny here) and if we don’t tend to them they will wither and die.  How many articles, books and movies have been made about a person who dedicates his or her life to achieving goals to only be completely miserable because of not having anyone to share their success with?  We are social beings.  We need each other to survive both physically and psychologically.

There have been many studies that have stated one of the main qualities found in people living long lives is being part of a group. Sharing our lives with others make us feel part of something and feeds our hearts.   In groups we give and receive.

5                     – Give Something Of You To Someone Else

Helping others with our time and energy, places us top in the animal chain. We all need to feel we are contributors in the betterment of this world.  Any gesture, small, medium, or large, will do the trick for us.

Say hello to your neighbor.  Smile at a stranger.  Donate some of your time to a cause.  Loan a shoulder to a friend.  You will feel much better.

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Changing Our Lives

September 14, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog, Popular Posts

By Angie Rubin

Reading a post on The Frisky this morning made me think back to a turning point in my life.  First let me set up the article entitled: “I’m Changing The Voices In My Head”. In the post the author writes of her struggle with her own inside chatter, constantly challenging who she is and what she thinks at every turn. In essence her “voices” are always telling her she is not pretty, lovable, or smart enough.  In that state of mind she went to see a therapist who told her she needed to change her cognitive distortions, which means her all or nothing thought pattern; either she is loved by everyone or by no one.  Either she is the prettiest woman or the ugliest. The day after seeing the therapist when she caught herself again thinking in an “all or nothing way” she said no to herself.  That was the beginning of her transformation.

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Getting Older = Getting Wiser

August 19, 2010 by  
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One of my favorite phrases these days is: “One of the good things about getting older is experience.”   I’m still learning – just as I did when I was a child and a teenager – but backing me up now is my life experience.  Today I know in my DNA, nothing stays the same.  Life is in constant transformation and if sometimes we feel we are cornered we will soon be proven wrong.

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Video Blog – 7

August 4, 2010 by  
Filed under Video

Learning from others and creating a community.  Learning to embrace different experiences without judgement.

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Video Blog – 3

August 2, 2010 by  
Filed under Video

Simply stated, we need to unplug. If we keep running around trying to complete as many tasks as we can in a day we miss the point of life which is to enjoy the small things, the surprises and to be ready for when opportunity appears.

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Five Concepts To Know For Our Own Well Being

July 21, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Human Hearts

Anyone who has read my writing knows I don’t go for things like: ten ways to be happy now, or, do these three things and you’ll get everything you have always wanted out of life.  The reason being is I think humans are complex and finding and pursuing a state of well-being is a life-long commitment without easy answers.  But there are general concepts that I believe every person working towards a better life should consider adopting and/or remembering:

1                     – A Sense Of Purpose

We all need that “thing” which gets us up in the morning and keeps our hearts and brains going even when the going gets tough.   We all have a core within which is the gas that keeps our engines going.  The problem is sometimes we get so lost between what society, parents and friends think and expect of us, we lose touch with our ultimate purpose.  Finding, reconnecting and embracing our purpose translates into huge leaps towards a more fulfilling life.

2                     – Living in the Present

Anyone who thinks “I’m going to be happy when…” I get the job, the money, the relationship I deserve is in for a big surprise.  Life seldom works as planned.  Something always comes out of left field and postponing being satisfied today for a future that may or may not happen seem like a waste of life.

Let’s live in the present and enjoy the relationships, job and money we have today.

3                     - Make Sure There Are Things On a Daily Basis That Bring You Wellness

That’s so simple to do.  We all have some easy, inexpensive, simple things we can do that can bring a smile to our faces.  Is that sitting in the park for ten minutes?  Calling a loved one and really being present in the conversation instead of going through a to-do list?  A warm bath?  A candle light dinner?  A romp with a dog? A romp? Whatever that “thing” is for each one of us, sprinkling these activities a couple of times or even once during the course of our day will affect our mood and ultimately our well-being.

4                     – Relationships

Relationships are like flowers (sorry for being corny here) and if we don’t tend to them they will wither and die.  How many articles, books and movies have been made about a person who dedicates his or her life to achieving goals to only be completely miserable because of not having anyone to share the success with?  We are social beings.  We need each other to survive both physically and psychologically.

There have been many studies that have stated one of the main qualities found in people living long lives is being part of a group. Sharing our lives with others make us feel part of something and feeds our hearts.

5                     – Give Something Of You To Someone Else

Helping others with our time and energy, places us up high in the animal chain. We all want to feel we are contributing to the betterment of this world.  Any gesture, small, medium, or large, will do the trick for us.

Share

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