Scars Tell Where We Have Been, But Not Where We Are Going

December 5, 2010 by  
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Candles

I watched Rabbit Hole a couple of nights ago.  The film tells the story of a couple (Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart) who lose their 4 year-old son when he runs after his dog and onto the street.  The movie starts eight months into the parent’s recovery process.

There was a line in the film spoken by Nicole Kidman that hit me in the stomach.  She said something like: After someone dies the pain from the loss becomes what we have of them.

It is now 2 years and 4 months since my husband passed away.  I’ve done much and have met many people during this time.  I have also gone through many changes as a person.  But the sadness of Chris’ loss is a constant companion. That is not to say, I don’t laugh or love – I promise you I do and quite often – but I’m always aware of the hurt within.

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Avatar And Other Things

December 21, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

I went to see a screening of Avatar on Saturday night.  It is an amazing piece of filmmaking and a wonderful way to spend a couple of hours.  The dialogue was fine; meaning nothing special but one of the lines caught my attention:  “Scars show us where we have been but do not dictate where we are going.”   I thought it was a phenomenal phrase and so when I got home I Google it to find out if it was a known quote or if it was Cameron’s authorship – I was born and raised in Brazil so sometimes phrases, TV shows or behaviors of this country are not known to me.

I have found some entries and so I’m assuming the phrase has been around.  No matter.  The point is: it is perfect.  Scars are a map of ours lives.   They show us where we have been and why we are who we are but they don’t determine where we are going.  At any moment in our lives we can shift gears.  At any point in our lives we can decide to be different.  And we can do all of that because of our scars.  They show us we have survived.

I have been thinking a lot about clean slates and turning pages.  As many of you know my husband passed away in August of 08.  There is nothing I can do to now bring him back.  It is done.  And now, how do I continue to live?

As the end of the year approaches, I’m feeling that I need to change things so I’m painting the house, got a new dog, and am pre-determined to change some of the aspects of myself.  I still want to be happy and I want to be light.  I don’t want to be bothered by things that I should not care about.  I have found out that those things bother me just because they hurt my fragile ego.  So I’ll remember that, next time the urge to lash out back comes up.  I also want to be excited by the possibilities life can bring to me.

In my last post, I talked about, not ever knowing.  To some, that will be terrifying but to others that can be exhilarating because we can meet anyone and do anything.  We just never know.

The cliché “time goes by really fast” is also perfect; time does go by really fast.  So I want to choose to have my life written in bold letters.  I do not have the right to waste my life when so many people are fighting for theirs.

My new year’s resolution is: be brave, self-assured, helpful, curious, sensitive and ready.

Happy New Year.

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