The Value Of A Great Sense Of Self

March 9, 2012 by  
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boy and the sky

Interesting post by Deepak Chopra (see below) where he takes on scientific as well as religious believes about the self.

Yes, many of our behaviors and thoughts come from our chemistry and yes it is the ego that keeps us eternally running in the rat’s wheel.

As I’m not a scientist or a believer – or think it matters for the purpose of discussing the self – I’ll leave that alone.

What I know – and humbly agree with Deepak – is that there is something else.  I’m sure of it only because it has had the greatest impact in my own life; it is the self.

As I invest in MY self, the life objective is not so much to fully understand in an intellectual way who am I or the quintessential question what’s my purpose in life.  It really is to create a greater sense of harmony – a feeling of well-being.

I know – from personal experience – that a connection with the self can sooth, balance, and comfort.  I know, a connection with the self, creates a bond from where we can operate in the world in a more satisfying way.  Having a strong knowing connection allows us to be free and to be whom we are without needing to define that and without being fearful.

It doesn’t matter if this self is a combination of things or of nothing.  We don’t need to define what it is to bask in its gift as creating a connection with the self gives us a solid footing from where we can calmly deal with life’s ups and downs without following the bouncing ball.

So how do we create this bond?  Initially through saving some of our time and energy to just be with ourselves and to listen to our own thoughts.  It is called solitude. Once we start appreciating the effects of giving our inner-selves a voice, we will go back to the pond every time for answers and harmony.

Please read on.

Seeking The Self: A Ghost Story

By Deepak Chopra

We are all quite certain that we have a self. When you say “I like chocolate” or “I vote progressive,” no one asks what you mean by “I.” That task was left for centuries to philosophers and theologians. “Know thyself” is an axiom worth heeding, but what is there to know? If one camp of modern science has its way, the answer is “nothing.” The self, we are told, is an illusion created by the complexity of brain functions. As thousands of inputs bombard each other every second, forming an almost infinite tangle of neural messages, a ghost was created whose name is “I.” …Continued

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Build A Strong Ego

November 9, 2011 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

Why is it so important to have a strong ego?  Or better yet what is a strong ego?

If we depend on others to validate who we are or our importance we simply give our power away.

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations where others don’t care about us or see us in our best light. It is hard to navigate these waters if we don’t have a good sense of self.

Being secured in who we are allows us to survive and often thrive in adverse situations because we don’t depend on others to have a sense of worth.

These dynamics happen often in business situations where people with weak ego fight to assert their power.  These type of individuals feel more secure by oppressing or minimizing others.  Although not a lasting tactic, it does provide temporary release and so it is often a chosen method of dealing with others.

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How I Deal With Fear

January 7, 2011 by  
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There is a “good fear” and a “bad fear”.

The “good fear” is a mechanism that goes into place when something harmful is about to happen to us to increase our ability to survive the event.  In this case certain areas in our brains such as the amygdala and the hypothalamus are activated to control the first physical response to fear. Chemicals such as adrenaline and the stress hormone cortisol are released into the blood stream causing certain physical reactions such as:

  • Rapid heart rate
  • Increased blood pressure
  • Tightening of muscles
  • Sharpened or redirected senses
  • Dilation of the pupils (to let in more light)
  • Increased sweating

All of these reactions take place to help us focus and do what we must to survive.

Now the “bad fear” is a consequence of our interpretation of who we are in society and how society sees us.  And it is often not real.

I’ve experienced fear and its first cousin anxiety in small and large doses throughout my life.

First the big doses:

When leaving a bad eleven year relationship where I was emotionally and psychologically dominated, I wondered if I would survive.  I was then told by my partner I would never be anything without him. I fearfully wondered if that was true.

When I lost a job and my financial security because I was involved with a man who talked me into doing something that became a professional conflict of interest, I went on downwards spiral blaming myself for what I had done to my own life.  The blame was so great, it created an overwhelming state of anxiety.

When I knew Chris was dying, I experienced tremendous fear of what the last moment would be like and all the moments after.

These are just some of the huge events that happened in my life that brought tremendous anxiety into my mind and system.  But in each circumstance I went through the following steps:

  • Slowed my breath down
  • Carefully analyzed the situation
  • Accessed my courage to accept the situation at hand
  • Reminded myself life is a learning experience
  • Reminded myself I still had life ahead to experience and change what needed to change
  • Thought of realistic steps – even if baby steps – to take to come out of my situation

What about fear of saying or doing what we think because we don’t know how we will be perceived?

1.      I won’t approach him or her because they are going to know I like them.  And what if they reject me? What happens to my self-esteem?

2.      I won’t share my idea because what if others think I’m silly or stupid?

3.      I won’t tell others what I really want because if I don’t get it, others may think of me as a looser.

This type of fear is crippling and it’s self-created.  It often originates from a place within where we are not sure of who we are and of our own worth.  When I have these fears this is what I do:

  • Who cares?  I ask myself.  Don’t make everything in your life so serious.  So if you tell a guy you are interested and he rejects you, does that mean you are not worthy? NO. Who knows why he rejected me. Maybe I reminded him of his mother J   There is no movement forward without risk.  If I want something I have to come out of your shell and ask for it.
  • Because something doesn’t work out it doesn’t mean I’m less than.  It just means it didn’t work out.  I move on. I’ve learned not to make everything a judgment on who I am and what my worth is.

The more I get to know myself the more I learn to rely on my instincts and to respect my own values.  As long as I am in harmony within “bad fear” is something I can process and eliminate fairly quickly.

I hope this makes sense to you.  And if you are in fear, remember, all of us no matter who we are dealing with our own.

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You Don’t Have To Wear A Red String To Find Contentment

November 3, 2010 by  
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Life is often confusing and overwhelming.  We work harder and make less money.  We are bombarded by information 24/7 and spend a great deal of time in the virtual world.  Violence is abundant in many parts of the world and if the wars don’t do us in the environment is waiting in line.

No wonder people are desperate for anyone or anything to tell them everything will be okay.  Read this book, wear these red strings

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Love Sometimes Can Be A Strange Thing

May 5, 2010 by  
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I have lived away from my parents for two decades.  I was raised in small very tight knit family with its own set of issues like any other family.  At age eighteen I went to NYC and never went back home.

The decades I spent away from my family were filled with visits where I would resist going back to see them and then would cry all the way back from Brazil to the US.

I have learned, over time, that my love for my parents is so strong that unconsciously I started a self-preservation process of rejecting them in order not to feel the separation.  Of course this has never worked out well the result being; guilt and inner-conflict.

A couple of days ago, going to the beach (I’m still visiting Rio) with a childhood friend we talked about our families’ history and she said: “we put our errors and discords behind so we can move forward, because we love.”

So I have learned I have rejected and trivialized situations in my life because they were too much for me.  My “self” was trying to survive without realizing the damage it was actually causing.

Living life involves loving with all our hearts and involves hurt when the people we have loved are no longer with us.  Holding our love back does not save us from the hurt as love is powerful and sooner or later breaks through the dam with all its might.

We can not change the past but we can make a new present which will have a different ending.  When I feel bad of all that has gone on before I remember I am looking at my past with the heart and the mind I have today and not the mind and the heart I had yesterday.  And I remember I’m making a new life today.

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There Is No Universe Without The Self

May 2, 2010 by  
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“No phenomenon is a real phenomenon until it is an observed phenomenon.” – Nobel Prize winner physicist John Wheeler

Robert Lanza, M. D., considered one of the leading scientists in the world, currently Chief Scientific Officer at Advanced Cell Technology, Adjunct Professor at Wake Forest University School of Medicine with hundreds of publications and inventions, and over two dozen scientific books is the creator and thinker of a new theory, Biocentrism.

A more accurate understanding of the world requires that we consider it biologically centered. It’s a simple but amazing concept that Biocentrism attempts to clarify: Life creates the universe, instead of the other way around.

That is a completely different way of seeing and thinking about the universe. It means that what we perceive as reality is directly connected to our existence and observation of life.  It means our reality exists based on how we see it and our inter-connectedness.

Below are the seven principles of Biocentrism:

1). What we perceive as reality is a process that involves our consciousness. An “external” reality, if it existed, would by definition have to exist in space. But this is meaningless, because space and time are not absolute realities but rather tools of the human and animal mind.

2). Our external and internal perceptions are inextricably intertwined. They are different sides of the same coin and cannot be divorced from one another.

3). The behavior of subatomic particles, indeed all particles and objects, is inextricably linked to the presence of an observer. Without the presence of a conscious observer, they at best exist in an undetermined state of probability waves.

4). Without consciousness, “matter” dwells in an undetermined state of probability. Any universe that could have preceded consciousness only existed in a probability state.

5). The structure of the universe is explainable only through biocentrism. The universe is fine-tuned for life, which makes perfect sense as life creates the universe, not the other way around. The “universe” is simply the complete spatio-temporal logic of the self.

6). Time does not have a real existence outside of animal-sense perception. It is the process by which we perceive changes in the universe.

7). Space, like time, is not an object or a thing. Space is another form of our animal understanding and does not have an independent reality. We carry space and time around with us like turtles with shells. Thus, there is no absolute self-existing matrix in which physical events occurs independent of life.

We are at the very start of interpreting life in a different way, but one thing is for sure the way we see it/live it has a lot to do with who we are.

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Love After Love…

May 11, 2009 by  
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The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the others welcome, and say, sit here. Eat

You will love again the stranger who was yourself.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate

notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life

Derek Alton Walcott (born January 23, 1930) is a West Indies poet, playwright, writer and visual artist who writes mainly in English. Born in Castries, St. Lucia, he won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1992.

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To laugh often and much…

May 11, 2009 by  
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To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch…to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded!

Ralph Waldo Emerson,  (1803 – 1882) whose original profession and calling was as a Unitarian minister, left the ministry to pursue a career in writing and public speaking. Emerson became one of America’s best known and best loved 19th century figures.

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