Taking Steps To Reconnecting With What is Important

July 8, 2011 by  
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When we are kids we do what we think it’s right.  We cry when we are upset, we laugh when we find something funny.  We don’t judge our feelings and reactions.  But at some point in our development we start to listen to what others think right or wrong, and so disassociation and confusion start to take place.  We stop trusting our inner-voice which is our own compass that tells us what our truth is.

As adults we must reconnect with what is truly meaningful to us. Unfortunately that sometimes can be tough because we have learned to trust others more than ourselves, or we accommodate their needs more than our own, or we are so disconnected we don’t know how we truly feel.

When we start to feel our basic feelings are truly being trampled is time to change. Now change is scary and uncomfortable. So how do we get through it?  Here is what I do:

  • I take time figuring out what values are mine and what values I have adopted by societal or familiar pressures.  I start with those which are giving me the greater anxiety and pain.
  • I start implement what I’ve decided on changing a bit at a time. I remind myself meaningful changes take time.
  • I don’t chastise myself if I take one step backwards.
  • When I’m truly uncomfortable – because I’m responding to a situation in a different way – I think how I would feel if I reverted to my old response.  Once I investigate that possibility, I know I have to go through the momentary anxiety rather than returning to my old behavior.
  • I remind myself for every change to take place, one need to go through difficult times.  But once we get through we gain clarity and strength.
  • I take many deep breaths.

Every one of us has the right to live our lives according to our own sense of value.  It takes time and discipline, but the changes are well worth the effort as peace and balance are the final results.

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A Few Steps To A Better Life

August 10, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

What’s the worst that could happen?  That has become my mantra when I start to feel anxious or afraid about something.  I actually ask myself the question and run through all the answers and usually find that I can handle the worst case scenario and so I take a few deep breaths and start to relax.  It sounds easy but it has taken me a very long time to get to this point. 

Another thing that has taken me a long time to come to is the decision to be happy.  I used to be very self destructive.  I often put myself in situations where it was impossible for a happy ending to occur.  Basically I lived in chaos.  So one day I just got really sick of it and decided I would live differently.  First I cut some people out of my life.  Mostly because of the qualities they brought out in me.  Then I promise myself I wouldn’t get bothered by everything that happened and that I wouldn’t get pulled into other people’s dramas.  I would continue to be a good listener but I would set boundaries. 

The third step I took was to every day find things that I could do that brought a smile to my face.  Then it was the “what’s the worst that could happen?” question. 

The final step was believing that I deserved respect.  I’m still working on this last step but life changed and still is changing while I apply all the steps described above. 

In a very short time after deciding to live differently, I met my husband, who was kind and supportive and as distinct as possible from all the bad boys I used to date.  I also accomplished more with my work and became more self assured.  The most important though is that life became more fulfilling.  I’m more aware of the small moments; like spending the day yesterday with my sister and nieces who are visiting from Italy.  Being aware that being together and laughing is a precious time gave me a sense of well being and belonging.  There is such power in the little things.  

So I keep working on my steps and looking to add a very more.

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