4 Relationships Myths That Almost Everyone Perpetuates

November 2, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured

By Angie Rubin

Before my husband got sick and passed away, we had a very fun and fulfilling relationship.  Many of my friends, both men and women, would ask what our secret was.  The truth is; there were no secrets.  There was only a great dose of reality.  Neither Chris nor I expected the other to fulfill every desire we had in life.

We were aware we were not perfect people.  And so when we were faced with each other’s “imperfections” we weren’t disappointed.

We were aware our internal struggles belonged separately to each one of us.  We knew we could count on support as we struggled, but we were responsible for our own life decisions.

We spent a lot of time together, but also had the freedom to have a “girl’s night out” or a “boy’s night out.”

We had similar values and most importantly; we loved each other’s company.  We also respected each other’s opinion and looked forward to sharing our thoughts and experiences.

A foundation of love and respect carried us through five years of fun, difficulties, struggle, love and contentment.  Having realistic expectations of what a partner means in your life is key. Knowing our issues will still be our issues when we come together will save a lot of headaches later.  Remember, no one can make anyone else’s life perfect.  What we do for one another is love, support and share.

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By Dr. Terri Orbuch

Last week I was invited to a wedding shower where the guests were asked to bring a note card with one piece of advice for the new couple.

Most of the cards had typical comments like “Always compromise,” “Be honest and truthful,” or “Never go to bed mad.” As a relationship expert, I knew that the majority of the advice was not supported by scientific findings. So I began to wonder: how much of what people know about relationships is repeated as fact but is more like fiction? …Continued

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The Way We Grieve

September 15, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Yesterday, a friend sent a post, The Way We Grieve Now, she had read on www.shine.yahoo.com . She thought I would “enjoy” reading it.  I did.

In the post the writer, Piper Weiss, describes the different ways people have coped with loss. Michelle Williams (who lost Heath Ledger) found solace in gardening.  Gwyneth Paltrow who couldn’t cut her hair when her father died because that was the hair he knew, then one day she had to get it cut right then and there because her moment of letting go had arrived.

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Free Prom Provides Respite For Teens With Life-Threatening Illnesses

June 26, 2010 by  
Filed under Inspiring People

Los Angeles, California (CNN) — Anna Rahm spent her senior year of high school enduring chemotherapy sessions, blood and platelet transfusions and multiple surgeries, including the amputation of her right leg in October.

“Living with a life-threatening illness every single day, you just wonder if this could be your last day,” said Rahm, who was diagnosed last summer with a rare bone cancer called osteosarcoma.

But last week, the 18-year-old from Chatsworth, California, was able to receive her diploma and attend a one-of-a-kind prom with nearly 200 other teenagers also living with a life-threatening illness.

The annual No Worries Now prom is the brainchild of 20-year-old Fred Scarf. The event is intended to give the teens an opportunity to celebrate their life and their youth in an environment of acceptance and camaraderie…Continued

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5 Great Ways To Conquer Self Doubt

January 7, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured


Let go of those doubts.

This is a guest post by Alexandra Levit, career advice columnist for the Wall Street Journal.

Self doubt has been something I’ve struggled with all my life, from debating whether I could get into a top tier university to believing I could succeed as a writer. It’s a very human emotion, and it’s made worse for some people because of life experiences or temperament. Self doubt also makes you feel alone. Sometimes you think you’re the only person in the universe who suffers from a crisis of confidence, and you wish that you could be more like your successful, self-assured neighbor. Well, I guarantee that your neighbor doubts himself every now and then too.

You won’t ever be able to rid yourself of doubt entirely – believe me, I’ve tried. But I hope that these suggestions will lessen your pain when dark thoughts are all around you.

Go back in time: The first step to overcoming self doubt is to recognize that it’s there in the first place. Think about the circumstances that are leading you to feel insecure, and see if you notice any patterns. Are there particular situations (for example, dealing with a new boss, speaking in public) that prompt you to feel this way? Make a note of times in the past when you doubted yourself but ended up coming through with flying colors. Knowledge and recognition of your past successes will bolster your courage regarding what you can achieve in the future.

Defeat the doubtful thoughts: In one column, write a doubtful thought, and in the opposite column, write facts that dispute that doubtful thought. For instance, suppose you are afraid to invite a new colleague to lunch because you’re afraid you won’t have anything to talk about and she won’t like me. Statements that refute that thought might be: “We can spend at least an hour talking about the office culture here and what she did before this” and “She will like me because I’ve made a sincere overture to get to know her better.”

Keep an event journal: If you are a person who experiences a lot of self doubt, then it’s time for a test. In the course of a single day, write down all of the things – simple and complex – that you accomplished without a hitch. These can be things like “ran productive staff meeting” or “had great talk with Brandon over coffee.” Then, write down the things that didn’t go so well. You will inevitably notice that the list of things that went well far outweighs the list of things that didn’t, and this will hopefully allow you to see your doubt in a different light.

Call on your cheerleaders: Often, our loved ones can see our lives much more objectively than we can. Being a natural introvert, I sometimes doubt my interpersonal skills, and when someone doesn’t respond to me in the way that I expect, I occasionally get paranoid. It always helps to call one of my best friends so that she can assure me that I do in fact have a lot of wonderful relationships in my life.

Celebrate your successes: When a situation in which you doubted yourself turns out better than you expected, don’t just nod and smile and move immediately on to the next thing. Take a moment and reward yourself for a positive outcome. Do something you enjoy like going to your favorite restaurant or eating a delectable dessert. Taking the time to cement positive emotions in your mind will hopefully make the doubt disappear more quickly next time.

Alexandra Levit is a columnist for the Wall Street Journal and the author of the new book “New Job, New You: A Guide to Reinventing Yourself in a Bright New Career.” If you’re struggling with what to do with your career in the New Year, visit www.newjobnewyou.com for free tools and guidance.

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