Owning Our Emotions

May 16, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

EYE-4There are times we know exactly why our emotions are what they are. Then there are times they take us by surprise and emotions become challenged. We often find ourselves trying to defend them. Explaining why we are feeling a certain way. Why?

As a kid I remember feeling that I was both the peace-maker in, and protector of, my entire family. As a little girl I would tell people it was rude to stare at my mom who was often in a wheelchair. Peruvian, my father spoke with a heavy accent. I found myself explaining what he said to salesclerks who, most often than not, didn’t understand him. I remember vividly the store where a clerk kept telling my father “I can’t understand you” rather than listen to me trying to explain. My father grabbed my hand and very slowly said to this man, ”Go. To. Hell.” Then he turned to me, “Come on honey let’s go.” I realized that my attempt to protect him, turned into him protecting me. One night, without telling my sister, I went to the store where her boyfriend worked. I found his car and waited for him to come out. They’d had a big fight and she’d been crying for days and no one was going to get away with making my sister cry.

I had all the courage in the world to protect my family. When faced with a situation in which I needed to protect myself however, that courage was nowhere to be found. I became the peace-maker wanting everyone to be happy, even if I wasn’t. Then, when I couldn’t deal with something, I would protect myself by taking the stance that it didn’t exist. Retreating into my thoughts, I would carefully place situations in a box and put them away in a closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

Acceptance… to own our emotions is to accept them. The peace-maker will become our protector.

All I can do is be me, whoever that is.

Bob Dylan

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Striking A Balance

May 4, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Yesterday I went to see a film with my parents – I’m still in Brazil – about a very prominent medium who died in 2002 at the age of 92, (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chico_Xavier).

The film was poorly made but that is not the point of this blog.  The point is in a scene – based on an actual televised account by the medium about the episode – the medium is on a plane flying from one state to another when the flight encounters a lot of turbulence.  As the plane dips and shakes, the medium starts screaming and praying in fear for his life. That made no sense being that the medium’s entire life had been lived conversing with souls.

Now let me make my disclaimer here; I don’t believe people converse with souls that continue to be whom there were in life in heaven.  Back to my point; while on live television this medium recounted his experience and laughed at himself and the absurdity of his flying experience. How could have him be afraid of dying?  Wasn’t his whole work about letting others know death was just a continuation of life only in a different realm?

The scene crystallized a thought for me which is; we are beings of opposing thoughts and feelings.  We may be searching and being on the path of love, gratitude and positivism and have the voices of jealousy, and hate within us.  We are not black or white.  We are all the colors and finding contentment and a life style that suits us, is about finding balance of all the voices within us.  It is hearing the voice of fear but not letting it over take our life.  We converse with it but we don’t listen to it.

Chastising ourselves because we have all the colors within us it is not healthy or kind but acknowledging them and striking a balance is.

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