Making Streamlining Of Time A Priority

March 29, 2011 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

Over the weekend I had a conversation with a friend who is often exhausted and unable to catch up with all her obligations.  Actually she is not the only one in my life to find herself in this predicament.  But, as I talked to her it became clear to me the main reason for her chaotic life is her inability to prioritize and focus.

It is undisputed we live in a world that demands much of us.  Earning a living is hard. The competition is fierce and every day we are asked to give more of ourselves.      Added to that are family, friends and a never ending bombardment of information.

So how do we thrive in such environment?

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Time To Accept We Can’t Change Others

February 1, 2011 by  
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Photo By Angie Rubin

Here is a hard one to learn; we can’t change others but we can change ourselves.  Why do I say it is hard?  Because we are so attached to proving our truth, intent and fairness are right that we keep coming up with new ways to express them.  And every attempt only brings us frustration and disappointments.

There is nothing wrong with trying to communicate our thoughts and feelings but what becomes a waste is when it is obvious that the recipient is not ready or doesn’t want to see things in a different way.  No matter how many alternatives you present for a different type of interpretation or relationship, you are not heard.  The other is stuck in their position and methodology and is not going to change no matter what we do.

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Changing The World, A Tissue At A Time

January 20, 2011 by  
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Compassion doesn’t only mean stopping wars, feeding the hungry or ending the AIDS crisis.  Compassion in its most simple form is our human ability of for a moment being able to step into someone else’s shoes and understand their dilemma.

In 2007, when I first walked into the infusion center at Cedars Sinai Medical Center with my late husband,  I was taken by fear.  I looked around to the 30 – 40 people there all hooked up to a bag containing chemicals strong enough that signs were posted in the bathrooms asking patients to flush twice.  Chris and I looked for two seats together and waited for a nurse to come and hook him up as well.

Immersed in my pain, I turned my face away from Chris because of the tears running down my face. I didn’t want him to see them.  A woman sitting next to a man getting his infusion got up, picked up a tissue and without saying a word handed it to me.

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Objects Have No History. Hearts Do.

September 20, 2010 by  
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Angie Rubin

Last night I watched The Time Traveler’s Wife.  I knew it wasn’t a very good film but I’m always interested in anything “supernatural” so after dinner I popped the DVD in my player and watched the movie.  At the end, although I did not become emotionally invested in the story, I was left with a sense of loss and thoughts of time.

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Living Life In Our Own Terms

May 14, 2010 by  
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heart on the beach

heart on the beach

It is so hard to live by the beat of our own drums.  The world around keeps telling us we need to produce and to succeed.  We need to run faster and achieve more than our neighbors.  We have all fallen prey to what we have created ourselves; equating well being with money, power and fame.

So it is hard to maintain equilibrium even when we know to achieve any level of happiness – and that is what we are all looking for right?  – we need to satisfy and energize our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual needs.

Running as fast as we can thinking more is better creates high levels of dissatisfaction.  I’m not a religious person but I appreciate all religions realizing the need for solitude and meditation for well balanced living.

Multi-tasking while feeling the incredible pressure to succeed turns our lives into stress tanks where we live in full immersion.

We have no time to actually mull over problems, obstacles, and issues.  We have to plow forward.  No time to waste. So our minds don’t get the work out they need.  They are being fed the equivalent of fast food.

We also spend most of our days sitting in front of a computer eating out of brown paper bags and cutting our sleep down in order to produce more.

So to swim away from the current of “more, more, more” it takes self love and being diligent.  It requires believing in ourselves and our inner voices.  It takes saying to ourselves: “I will not run with the bulls.  I will take my time and follow my own intuition.  My path is my own.”

Change has always come from people that belief life should be different.

We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be.  ~Jane Austen

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PBS’s ‘This Emotional Life’: Now Is The Moment To Hold Your Child

May 9, 2010 by  
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A beautiful post by Catherine Connors about living life, loving and receiving love to its fullest

Catherine Connors

Some nights, I curl up in bed with my little girl. She lays her head against my arm and grips my fingers with her tiny hand and whispers, I want you to stay here with me, Mommy.

Yes, I say. I want you to stay here with me, too.

And then I rest my cheek against the crown of her head and close my eyes and inhale the sweet, soapy smell of baby shampoo, feel the silk of her hair, listen to the whisper of her breath and I think, I want you to stay here, like this, always, curled against me, warm, safe. And I think, I want you to stay here, like this, for years and years to come, until the days when you and I no longer fit together in this wee bed, when you are grown and I am old and your arms are the stronger. When we will still find comfort in each other. When you will still be my baby, only grown.

I think these things, and I look up at the clock atop her dresser and watch as the minute hand takes one deliberate click forward. I look up at the clock and I wonder, how would it feel if I were counting these minutes? These hours? These days?

I pull her closer to me, as close as I can bring her. It is not possible to hold a child too close, I think, or for too long.

My family is losing a child. My nephew, Tanner, is dying. He has Duchenne’s Muscular Dystrophy, and his death is inevitable: He will die young and our hearts will break and there is nothing that we can do to stop this. It’s a slow but an inevitable loss; the hands of the clock tick forward slowly, deliberately, inexorably. We count on those hands ticking slowly; we measure their movements carefully, reassuring ourselves that the pace holds steady, that there is no leap forward, that this particular clock never advances an unnecessary hour, that our days hold ample daylight. It’s a slow loss, but an inevitable one.

We are better off, of course, for the trickling pace of this loss. We have many days, many hours, with this child. Not near as many as we would like, but still: we have time to spend and cherish, time to postpone our goodbyes and to pretend that their place on the horizon will hold its distance. My sister can wrap her body around Tanner’s and feel the beat of his heart and the warmth of his breath; she can brush her hand across his forehead and whisper in his ear and assert her love for him in the now and know, as surely as his hand tightens around hers, that he hears her, that he knows. But the clock ticks over her head – over his – and she counts these hours, these minutes, these seconds. Every movement of the minute-hand is a movement lost, a moment lost, one minute less in a cherished life that is measured by the clock.

This is why I hold my children so tightly, so often. Why I cling to them and let them cling to me and why I never, ever resist their embrace; this is why I have done this since they were born, and will do this until they pull away from me: because I do not know how many days, hours, minutes that I have with them. Because I have only now to experience them as attached to me. Because that attachment is so precious, and because I will only be able to sustain the memory of it, once it’s gone, if I let it flourish now. Because enjoying that attachment – insisting upon that attachment – goes so far to helping me keep my fear in check, to keeping me sane. They say that attachment is good for infants, that a strong physical and emotional bond between parent and child does so much to boost that child’s well-being. It is also vital to us, to parents, who need the bonding nearly as much as do our children. Perhaps more. We need it to keep us rooted, to keep us grounded, to protect us from the worst currents of our fear. We need it to insulate us from the worst effects of anxiety and uncertainty, to remind us of why we do this and why we love this, through the best of times and the worst of times and every moment in between…Continued

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Putting Time On Your Side

April 29, 2010 by  
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“Time is part of the measuring system used to sequence events, to compare the durations of events and the intervals between them, and to quantify the motions of objects. Time has been a major subject of religion, philosophy, and science, but defining it in a non-controversial manner applicable to all fields of study has consistently eluded the greatest scholars.” – Wikipedia

Time is a very peculiar measuring system. While we live by the twenty four hour clock, our emotional time works in peculiar ways.

How many of us have experienced life where no matter how long ago certain things have happened they still feel like they happened yesterday?And how many of us, even with the decades adding up, still feel like youngsters inside?

Time has its own beat and trying to understand its “psychological mind” is a losing if not detrimental proposition. Why? For example; how often do we do things and wait for an immediate result and when it doesn’t happen feel angry and frustrate?   Our human mind wants results to follow right after an effort is performed. But time’s mind doesn’t function like that. To time a result happening now or in four decades, its the same because time is not linear.  So what can we do?

We should live life for today and act in the ways we believe to be right for us. We shouldn’t wait to be compensated for our deeds when we do them.  Actually we should do things just for the sake of doing them.  No waiting for any kind of thank you.

Removing the anxiety of time from our lives allows us to be more ourselves and to live more freely. And as we shape the present we also shape the future.

Time, the cradle of hope…. Wisdom walks before it, opportunity with it, and repentance behind it: he that has made it his friend will have little to fear from his enemies, but he that has made it his enemy will have little to hope from his friends. ~Charles Caleb Colton

Time is but the stream I go a-fishing in. ~Henry David Thoreau

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Sacred Time

April 17, 2010 by  
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I’ve been thinking about unplugging and what that means.

Much has been said about all the time we spend on the cell, computer, DVR, TV etc.

So recharging is a must.  But before you say you don’t have the time or the money let me tell you that you can do it on the cheap and in a short time.

For me recharging means slowing down enough to enjoy a good glass of wine, a good meal and my home.  My home is my Tara – for you who maybe too young to have seen “Gone With The Wind”, Tara is the home where Scarlett O’Hara (Vivien Leigh) finds her strength, rent it today.  One of the best movies ever made.  Anyway…

I realize I am fortunate to have a Tara.  I realize that many people are still searching for a place to call home while I have found mine.   But regardless, I do know we all have something that is special to us.  Find what that is for you and do it.  If you have kids, send them to your family or in-laws for a night and do it.  If you are restricted financially, there are still many things that can recharge you without costing you lots of money or time.  A bath? A meal? A glass of wine? Meditation?

Again, for me the simple action of slowing down and actually being able to savor a glass of wine, a good meal and my yard, is enough to make me feel I’m recharged and I’m ready to tackle whatever obstacle life is presenting me.  All I need to do is slow down to appreciate my wine, my meal, my yard.

Find your Tara, strengthen and recharge yourself and embrace your life.

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Stories Worth Reading

July 18, 2009 by  
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Love and Time

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
“Richness, can you take me with you?”
Richness answered, “No, I can’t. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you.”

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. “Vanity, please help me!”
“I can’t help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat,” Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, “Sadness, let me go with you.”
“Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!”

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, “Come, Love, I will take you.” It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, “Who Helped me?”
“It was Time,” Knowledge answered.
“Time?” asked Love. “But why did Time help me?”

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, “Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is.”

_______________________________________________________________________

Sand and Stone

A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.”

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one, who had been slapped, got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After the friend recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: “TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.”

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, “After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?”

The other friend replied: “When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it.”

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND, AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

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Time

June 27, 2009 by  
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Written by Deborah Calla

 Time, time, time, sometimes it’s too fast sometimes too slow.

 Time, time, time, I hear the cuckoo coming out.  Cuckoo, Cuckoo.  It strikes 8 PM.

 Time, time, time sometimes too much, sometimes it’s too little.

 What is the measure of time?  What’s enough time?  What’s not enough?

 So many conjectures about time.  Parallel time.  What does it really mean?

 People come and people go.  Time goes by.  Time goes on.

 I don’t really know but sometimes there is too much time and sometimes there is not enough.

 How do we handle time?  When it’s too little and when we need more?  When it’s too much and when we need less?

 I don’t know, but the clock keeps ticking and the cuckoo will be coming out soon.  It’s two minutes to 9 pm now.

 Deborah Calla is the writer of many articles for Vogue, Harper’s Bazaar and the author of three health and fitness books for Putnam and Scholastic.  She’s also the founder of The Love Project Inc.

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