Riding The Waves Of Change

February 8, 2012 by  
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Photo By Angie Rubin

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

One of the definitions in Merriam-Webster dictionary for change is: “to make a shift from one to another.”  In psychological terms that is what change means; at the start we are A and when we are done we are Z.

Now, along the way we have to go through the entire alphabet and that is most often extremely chaotic.  The reason is simple.  We are comfortable being A.  We know how to respond to people and things.  When we do get to Z, we will also be okay.  Again we will be comfortable being Z and we’ll know how to think and respond.

The problem with changing is all the uncertainty and uneasiness one needs to go through between being A and being Z.  The journey is the process of breaking down a way of being in life while building a new one.

It is common, while going through the process of changing, to doubt ourselves and where we are going.  It is easy to feel oneself lost in the chaos.

Change usually starts from an intellectual need.  We realize something about us or our lives needs to be different.  Then intellectually we draft a course of action.  Thoughts like: “I’m going to do this from now on in an XYZ way” or “I’m going to feel about this from now on in this new XYZ manner” decorate our planning.

This process of intellectually mapping out our destination is correct.  We need to know where we want to get to.  But chaos starts during the second phase when our psychology and feelings get actively involved in the process.  Now, we are dealing in new territory where every different sensation is a bridge to many other feelings and history.

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Learning To Go Through Life Changes

July 4, 2011 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

Life changing changes require sticking with what’s going on.  No easy task.  It means being uncomfortable.  It means having your heart jump every time somebody calls or says something.  And it means no going back. If you can withstand the pressure, then like a phoenix you will raise from your old self into your new self.

I am going through such a time myself.  The pillars of my life are being shaken.  Intellectually I know where I need to go, but now is the time to take myself there also emotionally and psychologically.  I must confess it isn’t easy.  But I have not given up on what I know to be right.  So I’m going through the stress of one foot here and one foot there; meaning one foot in the old self and one foot in the new self.  But I am fully aware if I put my two feet in the old self, I will only find myself again in this same situation in some time in the future.  But if I do endure the anxiety and the fear all the way till I cross to the other side, I will have accomplished my own transformation.

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How To Transform Grief Into Hope

April 5, 2011 by  
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Grief has been very much on my mind lately.  I’m not doom and gloom, but I believe I’m coming full circle in understanding the structure of grief, and most importantly how grief can be turned into healing.

As we go through life we lose friends, relatives, parents, looks, youth, wealth, health, jobs, reputation, possibilities, opportunities, love and at the end of it all, life itself. Wanting or not, loss is part of the human experience. Denying it leaves us in limbo.

Great grief takes away the ground from under our feet. We falter and look for support. It hurts and often feels like it’s going to swallow us whole. It also announces a period of mourning, introspection and the possibility of growth.

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Why Is Introspection Important?

September 30, 2010 by  
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Angie Rubin

Without it we would keep reading the same scripts we have created for ourselves and have no possibility of a different life.  We would always play the same role to the same results.

Introspection means observing and processing our own behavior.  Introspection gives us the chance to catch ourselves repeating patterns that causes us pain and change. It becomes second nature to anyone who is invested in living a more peaceful and content life.

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How To Accept Our “Mistakes”

August 20, 2010 by  
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I am someone who is really tough on myself.  Somehow somewhere I have bought into a notion that I have to be “perfect”.  I know that is not only an impossibility but not a fair request because what I am after does not exist.

I have used quotation marks on the word perfect because there isn’t just one kind of perfect.  Each one of us has a “perfect” for what the right answers or outcomes would be for each situation.  The result being that in each relationship or experience we have to negotiate our kind of “perfects”.

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We Are in the Middle of the Biggest Social Transformation in Human History

July 16, 2010 by  
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A massive worldwide phenomenon is in progress, offering seeds of great hope for the future. Millions of individuals, organizations and corporations around the world are waking up and embracing a new outlook with an emphasis on their responsibility to contribute positively to our collective future. We are in the middle of the biggest social transformation in human history. This according to the movie, “Shift.”

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Learning To Set Limits (2)

June 9, 2010 by  
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featured_1Yesterday, I wrote about setting limits, which is what I’m working on now.  I decided to write about it again today because setting limits with people can be life altering.  It is that important.

I am standing on the edge of a big change and honestly, I’m scared.  I see the big picture, I know it must be done, but being and acting differently brings up a lifetime of habitual behavior based on ancient feelings about myself.

I know what I need to say to this man must be said and I know I will do it.  The reasons I’m writing about setting limits again is: 1 – It’s very much on my mind, 2 – I process things by talking or writing about them 3 – I want to share the fear so if anyone out there can identify with this issue or is going through something similar right now, we can do this together 4 – Show others that fear and uneasiness are part of change.

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Positive Thinking; Does It Work?

June 1, 2010 by  
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Flowers Carolina 2I believe in positive thinking.  I believe in our ability to truly change ours lives.  I believe in finding a level of contentment in life where we feel mostly inspired.  But I also believe in building a life on a solid foundation.

I think reading affirmations is a good way to trick our brain into thinking positive when sometimes they might have gone negative.  I think it can actually work for sometime but if a foundation is not there most likely we will either get bored with the affirmations or they will stop working. That’s my beef with the whole just be positive industry.   It offers treatments for the symptoms without offering to treat the “diseases” and affirmations are just an example of that.

We are all on a path of transformation wanting or not, liking or not.  That’s life.  Every second something happens, we make decisions, we have feelings and we interpret stimuli.

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Love Sometimes Can Be A Strange Thing

May 5, 2010 by  
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I have lived away from my parents for two decades.  I was raised in small very tight knit family with its own set of issues like any other family.  At age eighteen I went to NYC and never went back home.

The decades I spent away from my family were filled with visits where I would resist going back to see them and then would cry all the way back from Brazil to the US.

I have learned, over time, that my love for my parents is so strong that unconsciously I started a self-preservation process of rejecting them in order not to feel the separation.  Of course this has never worked out well the result being; guilt and inner-conflict.

A couple of days ago, going to the beach (I’m still visiting Rio) with a childhood friend we talked about our families’ history and she said: “we put our errors and discords behind so we can move forward, because we love.”

So I have learned I have rejected and trivialized situations in my life because they were too much for me.  My “self” was trying to survive without realizing the damage it was actually causing.

Living life involves loving with all our hearts and involves hurt when the people we have loved are no longer with us.  Holding our love back does not save us from the hurt as love is powerful and sooner or later breaks through the dam with all its might.

We can not change the past but we can make a new present which will have a different ending.  When I feel bad of all that has gone on before I remember I am looking at my past with the heart and the mind I have today and not the mind and the heart I had yesterday.  And I remember I’m making a new life today.

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