Being Coherent With Our Truth

March 19, 2012 by  
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Sometimes being coherent with ourselves and respectful of who we are can put situations and relationships at risk.  So, what do we do?

If something inside of us is telling us a particular situation isn’t right, but we know confronting it might mean an adverse response, do we go forward and explore how we feel or do we retreat and try to bury the feelings?

I think the true answer is, we move forward in step with our feelings.  While we are risking losing the situation or the person by confronting them with our feelings, we will be living in our truth which is the only way we can live in harmony.  Because, not giving air to our thoughts and feelings does not make them go away.  It only transforms them into resentment, anger and sadness.  So, it is obvious that as hard as sometimes it can be, we must act according to our truth.

Now, how we go about it is something we can work on.  First we have to make peace with all the possibilities that can happen by our actions – from the best to the worst.  Once we thought about all the outcomes then we have to think of the approach as we are trying for the best.  So planning is a good thing.

Picking the right time, and coming from a place of love – rather than anger and resentment – will allow us to stay in respect for us, the other person and the situation.  Calmly stating how we feel without blame and accusations will most certainly give the other person the chance to also be truthful.

Once the cards are on the table a decision can be made as to the future of a situation or relationship.  If it is not the outcome expected we must remind ourselves that what has taken place would have been the end result regardless.  The truth is the truth.  But, what we have gained is the knowledge that however hard a situation might be for us to confront, we have the strength and the respect to say: “I don’t want to live this.”

As we go on in our lives respecting our own boundaries a sense of strength and respect develops within us – which is a lot more important and truthful than hoping that which isn’t  right to transform itself in being right.

It takes courage to live in harmony, but it really is the only way to find true contentment.



Feeling Blue? Don’t Fret. It Might Be A Good Thing.

October 8, 2011 by  
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This morning I woke up feeling blue.

I have been working non-stop on many different projects that are meaningful and important to me.  They keep me engaged and sharp.  But this morning my thoughts were turned to my family.

I called my parents and was reminded it was Yom Kippur; Day of Atonement.  I had not planned to go to temple or to fast.  I’m not an observant Jew.  But the fact I didn’t even remember it was the most important Jewish day of the year underscored my feeling of disconnection.

As I tried to understand my feelings I realized my ache came from me pining for a situation, a relationship that does not exist.  I was pining for a happy family where everyone is there to support each other.  That is not my family,  my family has real problems.

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Practice Commitment To Your Own Truth

April 27, 2011 by  
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I have recently received some really good work related news.  I worked really hard to turn a project into a reality and it seems that will be the case.  I shared the news with just a few very close people – I’m waiting for the absolute 100% sureness before sharing with everyone.  The point is while a couple of people were really happy for me a few were also jealous and manipulative.  I’m thinking about someone in particular who is truly close who came up with ways to hurt me.  Now why am I sharing this?  Because I think we often deal with “peculiar” reactions from others but are not prepared and fall pray.

I don’t believe these “peculiar” reactions came from people that wish me badly.  That would be an easy one to deal with; they don’t like and therefore they are not happy for me – they shouldn’t be in my life.  The “peculiar” reactions come from people that actually deeply love me, but they are unwell with themselves.  And that is the key piece of information when dealing with others.  People bring to relationships their own un-wellness.

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Learning To Let Go Of Results

April 7, 2011 by  
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All we can do is  what we can do.  Sounds silly but it’s the truth.  Lifewise it means we do what we can, we do our best, and then we let go.

Today, I went to pitch (present) a number of film ideas to a network for production.  I put a lot of time in thinking and developing these story ideas.  I also put a lot of time into rehearsing how to pitch/explain these ideas to the executives.   My final responsibility was to be calm and relaxed enough to perform as I had rehearsed so many times in my office and to my friends.  I did all of it and in the end it is up to the executives to hire me to write the screenplays or not.   I have no control over their decision and because of that whatever happens I’m okay.

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The Truth About Love

January 1, 2011 by  
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heart on the beach

I was married at age twenty to a man who was eleven years my senior.  When I married the man, I was a recent Brazilian arrival doing a lot of drugs and hanging out with all the wrong people.  I thought getting married would settle me down and straight, but instead marked the beginning of the worst period of my life.  The man was intelligent and creative but he was also possessive, manipulative and had an ego that didn’t allow any other human to occupy the same space as his.  Within the first year the intelligent man showed himself as delusional and abusive.   It took me a long time to understand the man’s bravado was a cover up for deep seeded insecurity which he was ready to go to any lengths to hide.  Three years into the marriage, and I no longer knew if what I thought and felt was real or not.  Only my fantasies – where I took refuge- remained mine.  In them I dreamed of being rescued and of living the love story I so much craved.  But back in the real world my husband was busy spraying beer all over me and undermining any attempt I made to stand on my own two legs.

One day, as I stood on the edge of a subway platform, I thought I could make it all stop if I took one step forward.  Now I’m a survivor and that kind of thinking just scared the hell out of me, so I summoned all the courage I had, and sought out help.

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Trusting Ourselves

September 29, 2010 by  
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Angie Rubin

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” – Goethe

I love this quote. It’s simple and it holds in it a map for our lives.

Trusting ourselves means to quiet our minds enough to hear our most profound voice tell us who we are, what we want and how to reconcile our inner world with the demands of a society that does not have contentment on its mind.  The old phrase be in this world but not of this world requires introspection and a desire to live life by inspired by meaning.

Our answers rest within us but somehow most of us insist in tiptoeing around them as if afraid to wake them up.

How silly that we have bought into listening to the world’s latest fashion and obsession instead of to the wise voice inside that knows us better than anyone.  Our power and our freedom depend on sitting down, making friends with our truths.  And when we do that, we will also find contentment.

How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone.  – Gabrielle “Coco” Chanel


What Is Truth After All?

August 8, 2010 by  
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I’ve been obsessed with the truth for most of my life.  I have actually said things like: “There is what I think and what I say but at the end of the day there is one truth.”

I have since learned that the truth is not black or white and it is not absolute.  It actually has many shades because there is my interpretation of the truth and then there is yours.

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Living Life In Black And White

May 28, 2010 by  
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”The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking.”
Albert Einstein

I’m one of those people whose natural tendency is to see the world as black and white.  I’m right then you must be wrong.  I’m good then you must be bad.

I have had to work hard within my own psyche to see the world as it is; grey and messy.

Living life in black and white mode causes a lot of unnecessary suffering.  If we are good and right then when wronged it is easy for us to feel 1 – that the whole world is against us, 2 – as a victim.

We are neither a victim nor the whole world is against us.  Other people are too busy trying to make sense of their own lives.

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Honesty, A Path To Freedom

September 16, 2009 by  
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Honesty is speaking truth and creating trust in minds of others. – Wikipedia

I would also add that honesty is a way of life.  I’m not talking about giving money back when someone gives us the wrong change or returning a wallet we found on a sidewalk -although these are honorable actions – I’m talking about the honesty of exposing our humanity; showing and sharing our mistakes and fears as well as our good qualities. 

Being honest has become really hard because the world we live in does not want truth.  Our reality is full of illusions.  The representations of peoples’ lives we most see in the media are of beauty and richness.  Even the ugly affairs are portrayed with a certain pizzazz, so no wonder we the more common folks feel the pressure to also pretend.

We all live in fear that if others knew the truth about us that we would be looked down on.  So we hide that we have been dumped, or don’t have enough money, made a mistake, had a bad thought, or even had plastic surgery to look younger or better.  We even lie about our ages.

All of this pretend causes us a lot of anxiety because by hiding the truth from others we acknowledge to ourselves that there is something wrong with us.  The result being that we end up with no one to truly share our lives with and we become very lonely people.

I was once loved and fully accepted as I am.  That was the biggest gift ever given to me.  This acceptance gave me the self assurance to go out into the world as I am as well as a whole other way to live my life. That’s what love and honesty can do; give us the self assurance to be who we are. That’s a huge concept and one worth pursuing.

If we stop having to waste time making up excuses or hiding that which we think is not attractive and we start sharing our shortcomings, we create space for ourselves and others to have truthful and trusting relationships. 

Honesty brings compassion and so we start seeing each other and ourselves for who we really are; imperfect beings searching for happiness.

I know for myself that the more honesty I bring into my life the more freedom follows.  And isn’t that what we all want, freedom?

It takes strength to be vulnerable but at least to me that is the only path to be taken. 

We, as a society, have experimented with all types of excesses and somehow that hole within each one of us stays empty.  I think the only way to fill the hole is by relating in honesty and embracing our humanity. 

All of us, the rich, the poor, the powerful, the young, the old and the weak want the same thing: to be loved and to belong.  And on the day we get to say goodbye to this life, I believe all the differences and pretending we played out in our lives will be seen for what they really are, distractions.

What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own.”  – Goethe