Always Saying Everything Is Fine, Actually Hurts Us

December 12, 2010 by  
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boy and the sky

There are two very strong reasons why people try to keep the appearance that everything is fine.  1 – Because we feel we are judged by how close or far we are to being perfect and having the perfect life.  2 – Because we feel if people knew certain things about us they would judge us poorly simply because “things” are taken at face value.

The problem with having always to put up a façade is that it makes us feel like we are hiding something.  It also gives us a distorted perception of life.  If everyone is doing fine or great than what’s wrong with me?  Why am I the only one feeling blue?  Or why am I the only one that is having difficulties.

Aaron Sorkin, the great playwright TV and feature writer (Social Network), in a Huffington Post blog wrote the following when addressing Sarah Palin’s joy in killing a Caribou: “Let me be the first to say that I abused cocaine and was arrested for it in April 2001. I want to be the first to say it so that when Palin’s Army of Arrogant Assholes, bereft of any reasonable rebuttal, write it all over the internet tomorrow they will at best be the second.”

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Wedding Anniversary

August 9, 2010 by  
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I have never been too keen on dates but August is a difficult month for me.  August 15th marks two years of my husband’ passing.  August 26th is my forth wedding anniversary but the groom won’t be present.

Without me realizing the weight of these two dates have sneaked up on me and I grief for the man who used to walk around the Silver Lake reservoir singing with me theme songs I had authored for our dog.

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Step Aside For Anger

October 14, 2009 by  
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Anger, I know it so well.  I lived with it for a very long time and have claimed it as a kin of mine.  It got my heart rate and blood pressure up, and it got my adrenaline, and noradrenaline up.  .  “Never” and “always were our code words and justified our relationship.  When we were at our best we felt invincible.

I have had plenty of reasons to offer anger room and board; I’ve tasted violence, discord and greed and I have felt powerless.  When I first met anger it offered a resolution for my problems.

Anger fueled my life until the curtain came down in the final act of my Cinderella story, where all that was most important to me was taken away.  But somehow it was then that I realized anger had taken too much space in my life and actually had overturned everything that had crossed its path.  So I opened my door and asked it to leave.  But anger is a sly thing and did not want to go without a fight.  But I was done fighting. So I left my door open and turned my back on it.

So if you see my homeless anger walking around, please don’t take pity on it and heed my advice; stay clear and offer it no shelter.  Do not fall for its empty promises of getting things done and making things right, it is all an illusion.  Do not let anger be comfortable in your life.

Trust me when I tell you nothing is free in this world and anger’s price is high.  It asks for your heart.

So step aside and let anger walk by and then make friends with anger’s enemies: compassion and understanding and when you do so you’ll finally get things done in the right way and you won’t have to look all around and have to make room in your life as well for anger’s favorite partner in crime, regret.

“What was my body to me? A kind of flunkey in my service. Let but my anger wax hot, my love grow exalted, my hatred collect in me, and that boasted solidarity between me and my body was gone”.  – Antoine De Saint-Exupery (author of “The Little Prince”).