Can You Afford To Be Vulnerable?

June 2, 2011 by  
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My father is in the hospital.  He’s 86 years old.  But this post is not about his health issues but about the changes that I have noticed in my emotional response.

Before my husband passed away, I wore a thick protection around my heart.  By no means I was cold, but I behaved tough and decisive.   The truth is I had so much love in me that I was afraid to feel it all.  I was afraid of what it would do to me.  So I took on a posture; life is tough and I am tough.

Now there is a great difference between being tough and being strong.  Tough as mentioned before is a posture. Strength is the result of lessons learned and wisdom acquired.

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Having The Courage To Be Vulnerable

November 24, 2010 by  
Filed under Video

Check out this Ted (ideas worth spreading) Houston Talk by Brené Brown. In this video Brené discusses how being afraid of our vulnerability keeps us from connecting to others. She offers having the courage to fully be our imperfect selves as the solution.

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Beware Of Labels

May 21, 2010 by  
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What am I talking about?  Here it goes: “A nice girl wouldn’t act this way”, “ A responsible man wouldn’t do this or that?”.

We have created labels and now we struggle between living our lives as we see it and living up to and within the labels that we have helped create.

So let’s be real honest; good girls sometimes want to be sexual while still being good mothers, girlfriends, friends, and neighbors.  Strong men sometimes need to be vulnerable and have a good cry.

These labels, established by society and embraced by us, only serve to stop us to fully being ourselves and living our lives without guilt.

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Sadness

August 14, 2009 by  
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As you know, you people that read my blogs daily tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my husband’s passing.

This has been a strange week.  A couple of Chris’ friends, who I had not met before, contacted me through Facebook when they realized it was a year since his passing.  They wanted to share how they had met Chris and one of them even included an anecdote about Chris which had me laughing.  I also got a prayer from someone I had helped a while back.

Today in my boot camp class my Argentine teacher who is always teasing me asked: “Brazil, are you okay?  You’re so quiet you almost seem like another person.”

I’m sad, and sadness makes me quiet and introspective. So I thought I should write about sadness and try to turn some of it into something positive.

First what is sadness?  According to many psychology books sadness is a natural emotion that usually accompanies loss; loss of a love, a person, an opportunity. 

What to do about sadness? Feel it, embrace it. If unfelt will just stay in our array of unresolved trauma knots.  Sadness also allows us to get in touch with our deeper selves and with the things that really matter to us.

Why is that sometimes we avoid feeling the sadness? Maybe some of us are afraid that if we feel the sadness and its accompanying partners, grief and crying, we will never come out of the hole. Or maybe we fear that others will judge us weak.

In my own experience there is great strength in pain and there is great wisdom in sadness. Of course I’m not advocating for anyone to go out there and purposely find pain and sadness to achieve strength and wisdom because trust me it isn’t necessary. The truth is; pain and sadness will come to us, on their own accord, at different times in our lives. 

What I’m saying is that when pain and sadness happen to us to honor their existence.  From them we learn that we survive most situations as well as the value of happiness. 

I also think there is great strength in being vulnerable, in being human.  When we are sad and vulnerable we tell the world that we are strong enough to experience your humanity without fear.  That’s strength.

So today I’m staying quiet and am allowing my sadness to have the room it needs to express itself.

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