Key To Successful Relationships: Being Present and Letting Go

May 22, 2012 by  
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Yesterday, I had a long talk with a close friend of mine.  He is in his 50s and his life is in disarray.  He lost his job a couple of months ago and hasn’t been able to figure out what to do next.  So, he decided to stay in the not knowing.    He told me he has spent his entire life chasing after things and being a go-getter.  Maybe this is the time to release and let life take the course that it needs.

Now, my friend doesn’t have a lot of financial pressure.  Not because he is well off, but because his daughter is grown up and he is now single.

I don’t know if what he is doing is wise or not, but he got me thinking about the concept of releasing control.

I have never blinked at charging ahead or inventing and then re-inventing myself.  But, what would it be like to sometimes step aside, breathe, and let life unfold? As I think about the question, I realize the answer lies in being present and letting go of expectations.  A wise attitude for a relationship.

So often, as we embark in a journey with someone else, we want to know for sure where it will lead us.  Is this a relationship that will have a “happily ever after” stamp on? Or is this a relationship that will end? Or even, is this a relationship that will end in disappointment?  Questions like; is this worth my time and effort quickly follow.

The truth is; nobody knows.  Being in a relationship means living in the moment and letting go of expectations.  Simply because relationships are always evolving because the two people involved are constantly changing.

A successful connection is based on the ability of the two people to live in the web and flow of their interactions.  So, rather than ask questions like “where this will go?” one should ask “am I happy now?”  As long as the answer is yes, then this is a relationship worth staying in.

While I don’t know about my friend’s current posture, I do know when it comes to relationships, letting life take its course is the only wise attitude. And if we are to be successful, we must learn to be present and let go of expectations.

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Learn About Self-Respect

November 13, 2011 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

I’ve spent many years of my life defending my ego.  I often thought I needed to show everyone who I was and what I knew otherwise they wouldn’t care or respect me.  How wrong was I?  In all those years what I mostly accomplished was frustration and disappointment.  The reason is simple: the people that need to be wowed to respect us won’t unless we are the King or Queen of some fantastic land.  And even when they do it is superficial and temporary.

Respect is something we feel about ourselves.  It is an internal feeling that does not need validation from anybody else.  It doesn’t matter how others see or treat us if we feel our own worth.  And here is the kicker; when we have self-respect it doesn’t matter what task we are performing others will tend to see us the same way we see ourselves.

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Am I Worthy?

September 10, 2011 by  
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Photo by Angie Rubin

What am I worth?  Am I important enough? Does my life mean something?

Many of us struggle with those questions.  In a world where we measure worth and meaning by dollars and cents, the answers can often be complicated.

For many years I considered myself a failure.  I used to look at my professional success and my bank account in comparison to what I thought I was capable of achieving and the only answer I could come up with was that I had failed.  That I had no value.

I struggled with that for many years.  Even when friends and partners would point out how much I had given them or how much I had overcome, it didn’t make a dent.  I couldn’t assign value to character, kindness, understanding and friendship.  And I know I am alone in that.

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