Finding Love After Loss

May 11, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

My husband died on August 15th 2008 at 2am.

We met 5 years ago and had the most incredible life together.  After kissing many frogs and frogets, Chris and I were kissing each other and marveling at our luck at having finally found one another.  We were full of hope for a life together. And full of love.

But then two years later that annoying saying “all good things come to an end” happened.  Chris was diagnosed with a very rare cancer and needed a liver transplant a.s.a.p or he wouldn’t make it.

From Los Angeles we flew in an air ambulance to Jacksonville, Florida where he would have a better chance for a transplant.  After many visits to the ER, and with only hours to spare, Chris received a new liver.

Life was good again.  So good that we decided to get married two months later.  It was a very beautiful, emotional and full of love wedding. And all who were there were moved by seeing Chris standing and saying his vows.  They knew how close we had come to losing Chris.

Luck again shined on us and I finally got the financing to make a film I had wanted to make for ten years.  The shoot was incredibly difficult and in the last week of production we found out that Chris’ cancer had come back and this time it was on his spine, hips, lungs and his new liver.

We went through a year of chemotherapy, surgeries, herbs and tears while facing a very uncertain outcome.

But as I lost Chris’ body I gained more insights into his spirit and mine and as we were pushed kicking and screaming into more difficult situations we found strength in the love we felt.

A couple of days before Chris passed, he kissed my lips with all the love in him.  There was no pain, confusion, or frustration.  There was only love.  And that is the gift he has left for me; his love. And even as I grieve his love comforts me.  There is no loneliness, only sadness for no longer being able to share.

So I thought I wanted to talk and find out more about this powerful feeling that knows no limitation and that we all have within us and which somehow has the power to fill us up even when life seems to want to take us down.

  • Winsor Pilates

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