Slowing Down For Self-Love

June 3, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

heart on the beach

heart on the beach

I’ve always wanted to do important things.  I don’t know where that came from but since I was a little girl I felt the pull for something “big”.

As I grew up that inner feeling turned into inner drive and some of my desire to do “big” things started to be associated with career success.  All of that would have been fine if I along the way didn’t loose – or maybe I never had – the ability to appreciate qualities and accomplishments of mine that I didn’t judge by the same standards I considered material success.  That was my loss and the result; a steady decline in self-esteem.

We live in a world, especially in the US, where others – but most importantly ourselves – judge worth by accomplishments.  Character, integrity, kindness are moral successes that don’t get much recognition.   Yes, we all say he is nice or she is nice, but how much do we truly value that?

How many films depict the “good kids” as unpopular while the “mean kids” as popular?  Of course at the end of the film the “good kids” get to show they have more value than the “mean kids” because they value people over status.

But in real life we are often being pulled by TV shows, magazines and newspapers to “admire” or “watch” the lives of those who behave badly but do it all with plenty of glamor as to keep us coming back for more.

I don’t have children but if I did, I would be very concerned about the values my kids would be adopting as their own as they tried to be as cool as whoever the “now” singer/actor is today and whose lives are a complete mess.

Bottom line is having our sense of self worth be tied to things outside ourselves is a loose loose situation as there will always be someone else more successful in terms of career and/or money. In the meantime what is profound – a sum of our choices, interpretations, and experiences – which make up our characters, end up giving us no self-satisfaction.

It is only by slowing our pace down, reflecting on what truly brings us contentment, and living a life with focus that we get to reassign our value system to something that is actually more satisfying.  We can continue to strive for success but we don’t have to obliterate who we are in the process.

Only we know our truth, our needs.  And when we turn inwards for respect and strength how others see or judge us, no longer matters because we know.

Our life energy comes from within.  And if the within is not valued, life becomes a chore.  So I for one am hard at work at looking at my life based on the person that I am.

To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves – there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.  ~Joan Didion

  • Winsor Pilates


One Response to “Slowing Down For Self-Love”
  1. John Lee Johann says:

    I couldn’t help but think after reading this how so many of us actually know the value of “to thy own self be true” but yet can quickly compromise this when confronted by our own fears, insecurities, and vulnerability. Success, recognition, money, comfort can so easily eat away at my integrity, love, and service. This article gave me hope that I too can forgive myself for the times I have not done the right thing and live long enough to make amends through kindness, generosity, and sharing the joy of honest living.