Learning To Be In Relationship With Ourselves

June 19, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

I do understand the longing of being in a relationship or being part of a family.  I have lived away from home since I’m eighteen years old and am now a widow.

I do know we no longer need each other to fight dinosaurs or keep guard at the entrance of a cavern, but we do need each other for companionship and to love and be loved.

I also know the most intimate of all relationships is the one we have with ourselves.

I’m now in Miami working on a film and staying with one of my oldest friends, who I have known since I am sixteen years old.  We have never lost touch – somehow we both have always known the value of friendship – even though we left Rio de  Janeiro for Brussels, Paris and then Miami (him) and New York City and then Los Angeles (me).

My friend has gone through much in life; loss of a brother, businesses failures, heart brakes and shattered dreams, but through it all he has always been able to love himself.

I had forgotten how nice it is to see someone have such care with his well being.  He eats well, exercises, takes herbs, vitamins, and has no fear to be who he is.  I told him his greatest quality is the love and care he has always had for himself.  But he says it came after many years of betraying himself.  He had to learn to set limits, to listen to his own needs and then finally understand he deserved to be loved.

We talked about his dad who still today tries to put him down.  I asked him if he points that out and asks his father to be different.  He said no, because it no longer affects him plus asking his father to be different only results in his dad withdrawing.  I realized my friend has learned to deal with his father and probably others who mean a lot to him by being well with himself.

We  talked about his dreams for the present and the future. He said he only needs and wants to have time to think and to enjoy small pleasures in life like a good homemade meal and a nice glass of wine, and to be share those with like minded people.

I know I’ve gone a long way to say while we are meant to be in this world and in relationships we are also born already in the most intimate relationship we will ever have; that with ourselves.   Learning to care and cherish that relationship is the biggest step we can take in being a person of this world and therefore a person in contentment.

  • Winsor Pilates

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