Stop Being Manipulated

June 28, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Many years ago I dated a very bright, good looking, neurologist.  In the very beginning he was the best boyfriend ever.  He called every day, carefully planned dates, and was very sweet but a month into the relationship things started to shift ever so slightly.  We would make plans to speak at 5pm but he would disappear until 8pm, leaving me to wonder if we were going to have dinner together or not.  He put me in a kayak in the ocean, for the first time in my life, and got upset when I couldn’t make it past the breaking waves.  Things continued to go south with the last drop being a trip we had planned to take together to NY which changed to include his daughter and turn me into the third wheel.  We were together between 4-5 months.

Looking back, it seems obvious to me that I had been manipulated.  I bought into “he is a neurologist and a nice guy he could never be perverse. There must be something wrong with me.”

I’ve always had trouble putting together what people appear to be – he’s trained to help people, he is a doctor- , with who they really are; a person with a troubled ego.  My response to those situations in the past was always: “it must be my fault.  It is me who doesn’t understand them.”   I got myself in a lot of trouble and suffering with that thinking.

Why am I bringing this all up?  Because today I am different.  I still have that moment where I freeze when confronted with someone whose image doesn’t match their reality but I no longer feel responsible to try to understand their psychology.  Today I take care of myself by not becoming part of their theatrics.

Getting to this point is the result of working on my self-esteem to both understand 1- I’m not responsible for other people’s behavior and 2 – I deserve proper treatment.

Recently I met someone whose behavior contradicted his image, I stepped aside and wished him luck without needing to understand, feel guilty or responsible.  That is what working on ourselves and being in touch with who we are can accomplish; a real sense of self.   And the same way I wouldn’t let a friend suffer while being manipulated I won’t let it happen to me.

If you identify with my account, maybe its time you invest some energy into working on your self-esteem.  I’ve written some posts in the past that might give you some ideas.  Below are their links:

Self-Esteem A Serious Business –

Guilt, How To Indentify And Get Rid Of It –

Are You Addicted To Drama –

Being Content Today –

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