We Can Always Start Again

July 25, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Please indulge me while I tell you a coffee story.

My late husband was really into coffee.  As a journalist, one of his favorite topics was coffee; the different beans and the ways they are ground.

When Chris first got sick with cancer – before his liver transplant – and the ammonia started to build in his system (liver processes ammonia) his mind started to get foggy.

I remember one day when in the morning he went to make us coffee and forgot to put the filter in and coffee spilled everywhere.  Because he loved making coffee and had been doing so in the same machine for many years, he got very shaken up.  His mistake signified to him the start of his health descent and he was right.

Chris was able to get a liver transplant in the nick of time.  We returned home and had many beautiful cups of coffee.

A year and a half later, cancer had come back metastasized and we were truly scared of what laid ahead.  One morning, I walked into the kitchen to find Chris in tears and coffee all over the floor.  I knew why he was crying; it was again the descent of his health and again he was right.

Today, I woke up and as always since Chris’ passing, I went to make my own coffee.  After I started brewing, I realized I had forgotten the filter.  In a second there was coffee everywhere and I was brought back to my husband’s tears.  I embraced the feelings picked up a rag, cleaned the counter, the floor and the thermos.   Five minutes later it was like nothing had happened; it was all clean.

I looked around the kitchen to make sure I had done a good job and thought; we can always start again.  Yes, it will come with history and with feelings but it only takes us wanting to do so for new life to usher in.

If your kitchen is full of coffee, don’t be afraid to take a deep breath and start again.  Embrace the feelings, take a rag and clean up.

  • Winsor Pilates


2 Responses to “We Can Always Start Again”
  1. Laura says:

    Good morning,
    I stumbled upon your website / blog and have spent the last hour just reading through all your writings. It is funny how connected we can be even though two people never met. I am in the midst (unfortunately for the last few years) process of a long, arduous divorce from a man I once love so very deeply for 27 years…so not a short sojurn we shared. I am doing much of what you speak…changing, letting go (so very hard) and giggled at your…you can start over…I do that line a lot in my head. Changing those thoughts in our head…are the beasts…I am taming.
    keep writing, enjoying your sharing.

    • debcalla says:

      Good afternoon,

      We can be connected because we are both sharing true life experiences. I promise you getting divorced is not the end. I know it sound cliche, but it is the truth. If you can give your own self a hand, you will make through. Step back and see the big picture. A rich life is about having many meaningful experiences. I’m on the road as you are. Strength, faith and living in the moment is the greatest recipe for contentment. I send you a big hug.