A Life Free Of Anger

October 22, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Angie Rubin

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned – Buddha

Being angry is all consuming.  It gets your adrenaline pumping and it consumes your energy.  You feel like you can’t do anything else except burn through it. I know I’ve been there many a times.

I do have a propensity to get into an agitated state.  I now know it comes from a feeling of being not seen or respected which in turn comes from a fault line in my ego.  It’s taken me a long time to come to this understanding.   It also has taken courage and humility.

I’m not advocating eliminating anger altogether, especially because that wouldn’t be possible. Anger is part of the human existence.  But, learning how to use is the difference between spinning our wheels and doing something.

I classify anger in two types: 1 – a switch that goes on and give us a push to take action, 2 – ego motivated. The first kind is the type of anger, when we are witnesses to an injustice that serves as fuel to get us to act.  The explosive feeling is then used up by propelling us to say or do something.  The second type is when its ego motivated.  We are the host and the target.

So what do we do when we are our own victim of anger?  Let me share my path.   First, I had to know where the anger was coming from.  Once I realized my anger was coming from an ego that didn’t feel validated, I stopped and listened to myself.  I spent time getting to know and learning to appreciate my qualities and efforts.  I became my own advocate.  When now I feel the anger rising, I go back to the origin of the feeling.  I remind myself I don’t need to scream out to the world that I exist simply because the most important person, me, already knows that.  I then take a deep breath and change my focus to positive things.  By not feeding the anger with more angry thoughts, I starved it and it dies away.

However you get to dominating your anger, understanding and facing it is a very important undertaking. Without it we compromise a sense of well-being and a life well lived.

  • Winsor Pilates

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