Scars Tell Where We Have Been, But Not Where We Are Going

December 5, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog


I watched Rabbit Hole a couple of nights ago.  The film tells the story of a couple (Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart) who lose their 4 year-old son when he runs after his dog and onto the street.  The movie starts eight months into the parent’s recovery process.

There was a line in the film spoken by Nicole Kidman that hit me in the stomach.  She said something like: After someone dies the pain from the loss becomes what we have of them.

It is now 2 years and 4 months since my husband passed away.  I’ve done much and have met many people during this time.  I have also gone through many changes as a person.  But the sadness of Chris’ loss is a constant companion. That is not to say, I don’t laugh or love – I promise you I do and quite often – but I’m always aware of the hurt within.

In 2006, when Chris and I arrived home after his liver transplant, he was just skin, bones, and staples.  He took off his shirt sat on the couch and asked me to photograph him.  His body looked so frail but his expression said; I don’t want to ever forget where I have been while I celebrate where I am. That photograph, together with many others, now lives in my mind’s album.  I recall that moment with sadness and admiration.

Life is full of good and difficult moments.  While we travel from beginning to end we acquire many battle wounds.  The scars that reside in our psyche are not there to become our identity.  They are there, just as the photograph, to remind us where we have been.

Recognize your struggles and scars. But, don’t be stopped by them. Be inspired by them.

  • Winsor Pilates

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