Time To Accept We Can’t Change Others

February 1, 2011 by  
Filed under Blog

Photo By Angie Rubin

Here is a hard one to learn; we can’t change others but we can change ourselves.  Why do I say it is hard?  Because we are so attached to proving our truth, intent and fairness are right that we keep coming up with new ways to express them.  And every attempt only brings us frustration and disappointments.

There is nothing wrong with trying to communicate our thoughts and feelings but what becomes a waste is when it is obvious that the recipient is not ready or doesn’t want to see things in a different way.  No matter how many alternatives you present for a different type of interpretation or relationship, you are not heard.  The other is stuck in their position and methodology and is not going to change no matter what we do.

So when we come to that point, it is time to let go and change our reactions and expectations.  Continuing doing the same reaching out or trying to come up with different ways to present our point or a different perspective, becomes a reflection of our own inability to accept that which we have no control.  I know it is painful, because none of us want to give up on having positive communication and relationships, but again sometimes it’s just not possible.  A relationship is made up of more than one party.  Once we accept that as a fact, then it is time to stop trying and embrace things as they are.

That’s when our own transformation takes place.  We stop trying and we protect ourselves from the continuous hurt.  We stop doing the same things and thus receiving the same responses.  We change our behavior.

In time the frustration diminishes and the possibility of a different relationship opens up.  Trusting the process allows for different outcomes, maybe not the ones we hoped for, but one of less anger, stress and frustration.

It is important that we don’t become the inflexible party by insisting others see things differently.  Letting go sometimes is a great reflection of personal growth and wisdom.

  • Winsor Pilates


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  1. […] with our understanding, values and expectations.  But as we’ve heard the saying before, “We cannot change others.  We can only change ourselves.”  Trying to do otherwise will only escalate […]