Why Do We Sometimes Have Such A Misguided Idea Of Who We Truly Are?

May 19, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

Last night I spent a couple of hours on the phone with a friend of mine who has lost a leg to cancer.  Now most of us would crawl into a ball and feel sorry for ourselves.  But not her.  My friend surfs, skies, and travels all over the country counseling other people that are about to go through what she has gone and it is going through. To all of us that get to watch her live her life we think she’s a warrior.  But not her.  She apologizes for when from time to time she needs a good cry. And she apologizes when she thinks she doesn’t do as much or she’s not as good as others.

I don’t know where those feelings come from.  I imagine for each person there is a different origin.  But I understand the feeling as I have also dealt and deal with it in my own life.

So I’m not going to address the reasons but want to talk about, once this type of feeling and behavior is identified, what to do about it.  Or better what I have done and do that has worked for me.

1                    –  Sometimes when we look at ourselves and judge us harshly the sentiments come from feeling less than or inadequate. Those thoughts might be coming from looking at others and their lives and making comparisons based on what we see.  When that happens I remind myself:  A  –  I don’t really know the truth about that person’s life and   B  –  Everyone is unique and has a different story.  We can’t compare an orange to a car.  “Is the car delicious?”   “How fast does the orange go?

2                    – I go within and I ask what’s really going on.  What’s triggering the feeling?  My mature side steps outside and talks to my emotional side to find out what is really bothering me.

3                    –  Who is the person who is actually standing over me and judging?  Whose sets of rules am I using for the judgment?  I’m sure the answers to these questions will involve many people but not necessarily us.

4                    –  I remind myself of all the things I have done that others have thanked me for.  And I remind myself of the love I have in my life from friends and family and then I know I must be doing something right.

If this sounds like too much trouble or like a therapy session, let me boil it all down.  Be your own best friend.  You would not let a best friend walk around having an erroneous image of themselves or feeling less then.  So do unto you what you would do unto others and tell yourself the truth.