Stop Dragging Luggage Around

April 7, 2012 by  
Filed under Blog

We all have history.  We all have baggage.  And we all think we have stored the luggage.  But when things happen that push our buttons, the suitcases come flying out.

Everything that happens to us leaves a mark in your psyche.  Some are good and some are not.

Even when we spend quite a bit of time and energy trying to process our history some residue is bound to exist and it will manifest itself when a similar situation arises.  Let me give an example:  When I was twenty years old, I was married to not a very nice guy.  He was explosive at almost everything that displeased him.  Because of that, even after I had left him, when a situation that would have angered him came back in a new relationship I would have an emotional reaction.  Fear and anxiety were my responses.  Now, I wasn’t responding to the situation at hand.  I was responding to my history with the man I had shared my life with when I was twenty.

When that happens the important thing is for us to differentiate between what is actually happening and what has happened in the past.  Are we responding to the situation at hand or to the past experience?

In order to not burden a new situation in life with our past, we must develop a check and balance system.    Some real honest questions need to be asked and answer.  This is a process that requires a great relationship with the self and a willingness to see reality.  The upside is that we stop burdening relationships with our history.

Tsoknyi Rinpoche, author of “Open Heart Open Mind” suggests asking oneself: “Are you true? Are you based on present conditions, or are you based on past experiences?”

Sitting quietly and asking ourselves this question again and again until a true answer arises, is a good way to assure oneself we are actually responding to our present and not to our past.

We have the ability to see life as a new event at every single moment.  Experience is a good thing to acquire but residue needs to be clean out and gotten rid of.


Embracing Resilience

November 29, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

Even though Thanksgiving is behind us, I wanted to share the below post with you.

“A Lesson in Resilience” discusses developing a positive attitude to change and obstacles using the pilgrims as an example.

Life is made out of good moments and not so good moments.  Of course if it was up to us there would be no bad moments.  But it isn’t.  And so the next best thing we can do for ourselves is to create and live an attitude that will help us navigate the ups and downs.

I believe the first step to embracing life in all its colors, is by limiting our judgment on the situation at hand.  It is easy when something bad happens to feel victimized or as if we are the only ones that go through pain and suffering.  Once we are able to do that, next comes taking the stigma out of “bad” and looking for the growth and the wisdom the situation brings.  Third would be dealing with whatever is happening in a calm and objective way.  It really isn’t personal – it is life.  Next is never losing sight that life is always in flux.  Whatever is happening good or bad will give birth to a new way of being.

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