Riding The Waves Of Change

February 8, 2012 by  
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Photo By Angie Rubin

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide

One of the definitions in Merriam-Webster dictionary for change is: “to make a shift from one to another.”  In psychological terms that is what change means; at the start we are A and when we are done we are Z.

Now, along the way we have to go through the entire alphabet and that is most often extremely chaotic.  The reason is simple.  We are comfortable being A.  We know how to respond to people and things.  When we do get to Z, we will also be okay.  Again we will be comfortable being Z and we’ll know how to think and respond.

The problem with changing is all the uncertainty and uneasiness one needs to go through between being A and being Z.  The journey is the process of breaking down a way of being in life while building a new one.

It is common, while going through the process of changing, to doubt ourselves and where we are going.  It is easy to feel oneself lost in the chaos.

Change usually starts from an intellectual need.  We realize something about us or our lives needs to be different.  Then intellectually we draft a course of action.  Thoughts like: “I’m going to do this from now on in an XYZ way” or “I’m going to feel about this from now on in this new XYZ manner” decorate our planning.

This process of intellectually mapping out our destination is correct.  We need to know where we want to get to.  But chaos starts during the second phase when our psychology and feelings get actively involved in the process.  Now, we are dealing in new territory where every different sensation is a bridge to many other feelings and history.

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Figure Out What You Want, Then Take Action

January 11, 2012 by  
Filed under Featured

The first step in getting what you want is being clear about what you want.  Statements like “I just want to be happy” are useless because they do not include a specific goal or a specific method.

Now, if I said I want to be happy by finding a partner then I would be able to start strategizing how to go about achieving what I want.  I could tell my friends if they know anyone to introduce me to or I could join a dating service.

If I said I want to be happy by improving my living conditions then I would know I would have to find a job that would give me higher earnings so I could improve my living conditions.

In essence the clearer we are about what we want the better we arm ourselves with ways to go about getting them.

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Changing Our Lives

September 14, 2010 by  
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By Angie Rubin

Reading a post on The Frisky this morning made me think back to a turning point in my life.  First let me set up the article entitled: “I’m Changing The Voices In My Head”. In the post the author writes of her struggle with her own inside chatter, constantly challenging who she is and what she thinks at every turn. In essence her “voices” are always telling her she is not pretty, lovable, or smart enough.  In that state of mind she went to see a therapist who told her she needed to change her cognitive distortions, which means her all or nothing thought pattern; either she is loved by everyone or by no one.  Either she is the prettiest woman or the ugliest. The day after seeing the therapist when she caught herself again thinking in an “all or nothing way” she said no to herself.  That was the beginning of her transformation.

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Marching Through Changes

June 23, 2010 by  
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Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations.  ~Faith Baldwin

Change is unsettling, even if it’s for the better.

We get use to anything, even pain and hurt, and somehow what we know – even if it false – makes us feel secure and gives us some type of referential in life.

My conversation yesterday during my therapy session was about a particular change I’ve been going through the last few years.

Years ago, to cover up my insecurities, I started acting tough.  I remember going to parties and standing in a corner with an attitude that said; I’m too good for this and that’s why I’m standing here looking tough.  The truth was that I was too scared to connect with strangers.  It wasn’t that I sat down one day and decided to start acting tough, it just happened.  But I’ve always also been a very kind person so I started to live in conflict between who I was and how I was presenting myself to the world.  In my tough phase I also found people that supported my behavior.  They too were insecure.

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