May 7, 2010 by  
Filed under Blog

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.  ~Honoré de Balzac

I have just come back from spending ten days in Brazil with my parents.  I had a great time with them; we talked, had lunch and dinners together, and saw a couple of movies.  It was also my mother’s seventy ninth birthday.

I love my mother but ours wasn’t always an easy relationship.   She was always very emotional, and that scared me, and I, a little wild for her.  As the years went on we tried to strike a balance; neither one of us forgetting we were a family.

I’m not a mother so it has taken me a long time to understand how my mother feels about me.  I was made by an act of love, grew inside of her and then fed and protected by her, while I had my eyes on my life’s road.

My mother and I survived all the years of misunderstanding because of the love we have for each other.  That’s the power of love; it keeps you there even when your mind tells you to shut the door.

Today, I admire my mother’ wisdom and her still ever growing love for me.   I’m no longer afraid of her emotions and she has come to understand my singular way of being.

So this Sunday, even though I never pay any attention to holidays,  I will tell my mother how much I love her and how much she means to me.  And I hope our love can color all the roads that lay ahead for me.

Thou art thy mother’s glass, and she in thee
Calls back the lovely April of her prime.
~William Shakespeare


Double Jeopardy

July 22, 2009 by  
Filed under Uncategorized

Earlier today I was talking with my daughter and told her about a movie that I had seen several times.  To my amazement she, too, loved and watched the film more times than she could recall. “Double Jeopardy”, starring Ashley Judd and Tommy Lee Jones it’s quite entertaining, but nowhere near a recommendation as one of my all time faves.

For those of you who have not seen the aforementioned, it’s summarily about a woman who gets falsely accused of murdering her husband, who later is revealed to still be alive … with another woman the child of his first wife.  The erroneously sentenced mother goes to prison and is released after six years, determined to reveal the untruths that have turned her life upside down while vowing to find her son.  I won’t disclose the ending, but there was one moment that had me studying the movie as though I was Roger Ebert .

While imprisoned, one of the inmates assured the falsely accused that no matter when or where she would locate her son, he would know her. It was explained to the pensive mom how the other prisoner could be so sure.  She simply explained that children essentially always remember the sounds and touches of those that birthed or raised them no matter how young they were when separated from the adults.  

This scenario was particularly interesting to me as didn’t know that my daughter was my daughter until several years after she was born.   Quite honestly, it was a joyous as well awkward time in my life … and hers as well.  We both discovered that having not had that initial interaction created a few stumbling blocks along the way.  I found myself attempting to recapture something that I didn’t have in the beginning.  Those early recollections of my turn to change diapers or well intended refrains of “Rock-a-bye Baby” were not mine to have.

I quickly realized that good parenting doesn’t come in an easy-to -swallow capsule and the next day you get voted Dad of the Year.  It takes even more time, more experience and all the love that you had back then plus all that you can muster presently.

Through some universal phenomenon, the love, whether to lift your baby’s feet to put her bootees on or to help her put her backpack on, manifests itself …  no matter at what stage of life it happens.  

For me ….and my daughter,  “Double Jeopardy” could have been entitled “Second Chance”.