Finding Wisdom In The Dark

August 11, 2011 by  
Filed under Featured

I write a lot about embracing challenges and pain.  I think this concept became really clear to me after my husband passed away and I was left with the devastation of losing a two and a half year struggle to keep him alive.  The first question that popped into my heart was: “What do I do now?”  The second was: “There has to be something to be gained out of all this pain otherwise it is just too brutal.” And so I embarked in trying to figure out what good could I find in my loss.

What I found was through embracing my loss, I found me.  And having found me has transformed my life.  Now how does one embrace their pain? By not shying away from it. By not side-stepping. By having the courage to look the loss in the face and with humility know it is a life experience.

Life is about gaining wisdom through experiences without any quality being attached to it. Experience doesn’t care if it feels go or not.  It only cares about opening doors to wisdom. Understanding this concept is what gives pain meaning.

Now I don’t look for difficult experiences in order to grow. I’m not a masochist.  But when difficult moments present themselves to me, I accept them and remind myself it is part of life and part of my personal journey. We must all learn to love, to lose, to laugh and to hurt.

Below is an interesting post I found on the Huffington Post on the same subject.

Good Things Can Grow In The Dark

By Dennis Merritt Jones

“All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous, unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.”
~ Henry Miller

As I opened the door and stepped into the darkness of my kitchen pantry to grab my box of Cheerios this morning, I looked down and noticed a bag of potatoes, which had been sitting on the floor for a few weeks. Upon closer examination, I could see that most of the potatoes had begun to push out little sprouts...Continued


Living In Today

October 29, 2009 by  
Filed under Blog

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross suggested in her book Death, The Final State of Growth, “Learning to re-invent yourself in living when you have lost someone you love is very difficult but only through doing so can you give meaning to that person’s death.” Regardless of the situation, when we experience a loss that touches our soul, the planned map for our future life quickly disappears. There are so many questions that flood your thoughts and spin faster and faster. The two most overwhelming questions for me are “Who am I?” and “What do I want to do with my life?”

Until recently I never realized how much of my identity was based around family. I don’t remember a time when decisions were based solely on me and what I wanted. My days started and ended in conversation with a man who knew me better than I knew myself. We shared our hopes and dreams. We had plans and talked about our future… being grandparents, another vacation in San Francisco, going to Australia.

All of that ended when I became a widow. 

Living in today feels like I am living in another person’s life. I don’t really feel like “me” anymore. Some days are more difficult than others. It is a constant rollercoaster of emotions accepting that my world will never go back to normal. What I knew as normal won’t be again. Living in the past is both comforting and heartbreaking. Living in the future is a fog, and it’s incomprehensible.

I have found peace, knowing that my man would always be, from the wisdom of a woman who was married over 60 years to her childhood sweetheart. When asked how she was doing she replied, “Honey it just doesn’t get any easier, it only becomes more permanent.”