Detaching From The Outcome

May 10, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured

I really like this post by Mike Alvear because of the attitude it supports.  Live in the moment, enjoy the process, and don’t worry about the results.  Even though he focuses on getting the girl/guy the practice of what he’s discussing should be apply to all aspects of living.

Meet Men The Way You Lose Weight: By Detaching From The Outcome

Nothing keeps us further away from guys we’re interested in than the fear of rejection. Even if the guy you like rejects you nicely, a no is a NO. The thought of him looking for something better as you’re talking or excusing himself from the conversation is too much to bear. What if he walks away as you’re talking? What if everybody sees it? These are real possibilities, after all. You might be ignored. Worse, MOCKED. The potential for a negative emotional outcome is high, especially if you don’t know what to say or how to act. Better to leave with your self-esteem intact than to take the chance that he’ll crush it under his heel.

How do you get rid of this fear of rejection? By disconnecting yourself from results and connecting with the process. Let’s take dieting as an example. Your goal (the desired outcome) is to lose ten pounds. The method (or process) is to eat fewer calories.

Focusing on the outcome drives you to weigh yourself every day looking for signs that you lost weight. You then become frustrated that you’re not losing weight fast enough. So you starve yourself to get quicker results. The starvation leads to anxiety and a sense of futility and next thing you know, you’re off the diet.

Over-attachment to the outcome rarely works.

Here’s another approach: You never weigh yourself. You forget your goal of losing ten pounds. What matters is getting healthier. And the only way to do that is to eat better. So you focus on that, eating smaller portions of healthy food, avoiding high-fat snacks and desserts. You’re adapting to a new lifestyle and at the end of the month you realize you’ve lost some weight.

That’s committing to the process and detaching from the outcome. And it works every time…Continued